I’ve been called a whore, a home-wrecker, delusional and many other things, but now, I can add bat-shit crazy to the list!!!! I guess by using these comments in a post, I’m proving that point!!!! Bwahahahaha! (That is my “bat-shit-crazy-evil” laugh)
So, I have someone who calls herself “The First Mrs” who likes to comment on my blog. The posts that I list aren’t made up…they are copied and pasted from her original comments. The times and dates above each are the actual times and dates she sent the comments. I have only changed one thing: I took out the name she used in the beginning of one of her comments thinking that was MY real name. One thing I will not do is use anyone’s real name to be published.
So…here goes….Her comments are in italics, my responses to her are in bold/italics. The first comment was submitted on April 6 at 5:40 PM….
You do realize that MM lies to you, too? So, more than likely, MM tells you what ever it is that you need to hear about his W?
I find it hilarious the way you speak of his W/their M as if you know her/it.
FYI, your MM doesn’t D his W b/c … he doesn’t WANT to. She is foolish to stay w/him if she does, in fact, know about you. You are clearly ok with settling for W’s left overs. Your MM gets cake, cake, & even more cake.
You are right about this, tho. It is hard to have a civil D when the D is caused by your H’s A.
As for you, you have over come your own dysfunctional upbringing by destroying some one else’s M, and their child’s life. I pity you. You are a very delusional person.
It took me a while to get all the “Ms”, “As”, “Ws” and “Hs” straight, but, being the smart girl that I am, I figured it all out.
What you don’t seem to take into consideration is that my guy doesn’t talk much about his “W” (wife), so he isn’t telling me something that I need to hear. Her name comes up rarely in our conversations. In fact, it hardly comes up at all. It doesn’t take a genius to know that she is not accepted by his family (even though they tried to bond with her), nor do they want her around. What I know of his “M” (marriage) I hear from his family. I don’t ask for information about that, but sometimes, they feel the need to vent.
You’re right when you say he doesn’t get a “D” (divorce) because he doesn’t want one. Well, you’re half right…he wants one, but he’s afraid that if he’s out of the house, his wife will take that opportunity to brain-wash the child against him. She already has the poor girl hating his family, which started before he and I started visiting them. He is entitled to feel as he does and I’m not going to force the issue. It’s his life and his marriage. He saw his parents’ inability to reach agreements with him and he doesn’t want the same to happen with him and his daughter.
As for how it’s hard to have a civil divorce because of the H’s (husband’s) A (adultery), the marriage collapsed before I was brought into this. My “dysfunctional upbringing” has nothing to do with the fact that I happened to fall in love with a married man. It’s not something I looked for, but it’s what life threw at me (us). In fact, I learned from my parents’ mistakes. I didn’t stay with my husband when I knew my marriage was a lost cause…I knew I could make a better life for me and my kids without him. But, I was in control of all visitation and I knew that I would never deny my ex visitation for any reason. Not all women will do that.
No matter what the circumstances for a divorce, your feelings need to be put aside if there are children involved. No matter what a spouse does to you, he or she is still the other parent of your children and you can’t talk bad about that person. ( Of course, there are exceptions to that, like in cases of domestic violence and raging alcoholism where any child could be put in danger.) In my guy’s case, HE would not be the one holding the cards in the visitation hand of any divorce. I would hate to see him and his daughter lose years of knowing each other because of bitterness. The bitterness was not my fault, either. If his wife didn’t emotionally abandon him, I would not be in the picture.
Delusional? No…I’m not delusional. My MM and I have discussed how by faking a marriage, his daughter will be harmed, but he feels she’ll be fine. Personally, I think she’s going to need some therapy, but, again, not my place. He needs to do what he feels is right by her. If that’s the wrong decision, well…I told him so.
Now we jump to April 8 at 7:10 AM…..
OW, you crack me up. Your level of bat-shit-crazy is utterly hi-lar-i-ous!
There it is!!!! I’m bat-shit-crazy!!!! At least I have the power to crack you up!
On to April 9 at 1:02 AM (I guess I’m good reading material!)
************, you are so utterly deluded, I find myself literally lol’ing at what you have to write.
Now I have gone from being a “very delusional person” to “utterly deluded”. Again…at least I still have the power to make someone laugh.
And we’re not done yet!!!!! Here we are on April 10 at 6:33 PM
You say: At 10, she should be able to understand that she would probably see her dad more if he wasn’t living with her.
This makes no damn sense!
Followed by this: I miss not knowing his daughter. When I go on vacation, I always make it a point to bring something home for her.
You have FAILED in your effort to replace his wife. Now you want to replace the wife as MOTHER of her own child?!?
You can deny that all you like, as you didn’t actually type out the words. I’ve read your entire blog. The fact that you desperately WANT to replace his wife, but have continuously failed for the last 11 years comes through loud and clear.
I’m sure that WH gives your gifts to his child. You really are in denial, OW.
There is absolutely NO universe in which his daughter is going to accept you. The fact that you are trying to buy her speaks to your level of desperation.
The only hope you ever have of getting WH is if his W finds out, kicks his rump to the curb and divorces. He might then settle for you. Or not.
So, you can’t see how not living in the home my MM’s daughter will probably see him more? Let me explain:
He is with me right after work and gets home when his daughter is in bed. He says a quick “good night” to her, then it’s time for him to get to sleep because he has to be up at 5:00 AM to get to work. He works all day Saturday, then he’s with me until 1:00 or 2:00 AM. During the summer season, we work together most Sundays at our weekend job.
If he was living with me, he would be able to get his daughter after work and take her for dinner a few times a week. That’s more than what she’s getting now. She would also be able to go to our jobs on Sundays and maybe help out. More time to spend with Dad. I don’t have to work these jobs, so I could stick with her to make sure she’s totally safe. Does that make me want to replace her mother, or just play “babysitter” for a day?
You seem to be under the impression that I am trying to “replace” his wife, but that isn’t the case. I’m quite content with the relationship as it is. Yes, I would like to know his daughter, but that’s not possible right now and I don’t know if that will ever be possible. Even if my MM and I end up living together at some point, I will not want to be a “replacement mother”. She has a mother and that will never change. I’m not about to take someone’s child away from them. Goddess knows that I raised my two boys and I don’t want to raise someone else’s child. That doesn’t mean that I can’t care about her well-being or wouldn’t be there if she needs another ear to listen if she has a problem. I would care for her as I care for the younger children of my friends. I also would never try to turn her away from her mother (because that is what you seem to be implying).
I don’t know where you get that I want to replace his child’s mother because I bring her something back when I go on vacation. You say that I’m showing desperation by trying to “buy” her. By “bringing something back” I mean that I’ll bring her a pretty shell that I find, or a key-chain or one year, I brought a small vial filled with sand from my beach with tiny shells mixed in. I doubt very much any of these things would “buy” a child’s love and acceptance. His daughter knows me as a friend of her father’s and the “mother” of my two fur-babies that he brings home when I’m on vacation (my condo association doesn’t allow pets) and I’m the one who watches HER pets when they are away. So, yes, he does bring his daughter the stupid little things I bring back for her.
I refuse to go over the same dead horse over and over again about how his daughter will not accept me….EVER. I have said that my MM (WTF is “WH”?!??!?) and I have discussed this subject. The longer the lie goes on, the less chance there will be of being accepted as even just a friend, nevermind her father’s girlfriend.
I have not FAILED to take my MM’s wife’s place. I never tried to take her place. Yes, this relationship has been going on for 11 years, but I’m not looking to be anyone’s wife. This would be the case even if I was seeing a single man. I was a wife…been there, done that, got the divorce. I don’t need to be married.
Now I need to point out that you are taking my situation and comparing it to yours. You are obviously still bitter about your husband’s affair. I don’t know if the wound is still fresh or if you’re letting the bitterness grow and fester instead of moving on with your life. Just by your many comments to me, I can see that you can’t let go of this hurt (that also shows in your email address, which I will not make public here).
Maybe you were a wonderful wife who doted on her husband. Maybe you had no idea that he was cheating on you until it came up to bite you in the face. That sucks…and I don’t mean that sarcastically. It really and truly sucks. But, I can tell you that my MM is NOT like your husband. He married someone who stopped loving him. Their lives took different turns, but for reasons of their own, they will stay together, but live separate lives unless there is something they must do together for their daughter.
I hope that you are able to let go of the hurt, because if you can’t your life will continue to be miserable.
This person obviously doesn’t agree with my relationship with a MM, yet she kept reading and responding. She is a prime example of those who cannot accept that sometimes, life throws us curve balls. I never thought that I would be in a relationship with a married man….NEVER! But, never say never.
For The First Mrs and those who feel the same as she, I need to again say that most OW did not set out to look for relationships with married men. Marriages fail and affairs happen. Some are one-night stands while others, like mine, are long-term.
Personally, I don’t agree with women who actually DO look to meet married men. I don’t understand actually searching for this kind of life, but, it happens. I suspect that many of these women aren’t in it for anything long-term, they are just enjoying the moment. Is an affair all the fault of the other woman, no matter what the circumstances? No….absolutely not. But, the OW gets all the blame. SHE is the “home-wrecking whore”. What about the men who allowed the affair to happen knowing that they are married (at times to great women who do nothing but love them and want to make good homes for them)? They never seem to get blamed for this. It’s always “Boys will be boys” or “Men weren’t made to be monogamous”.
I’ve said it before and it’s worth repeating: A man who is happy in his marriage will not cheat! He may look, but he won’t touch because he respects and loves his wife. “But, honey, I was drunk” doesn’t fly as an excuse. A happily married man who has a great wife should know his limits and to not put himself in the position to be “seduced” by another woman. But, a one-night stand with a stranger is one thing; a long-term relationship that is both emotional and intimate is another. That means there is REAL trouble in the marriage.
No affair is the same. They happen for many reasons. Black and white don’t apply to this topic. Don’t try to make them apply.