Contrary to popular belief, there aren’t many women who make a conscious decision to be in a relationship with a married man. I say “not many” rather than “any” because there are always exceptions to every rule. There are women who do go out looking to hook up with married men. These women, though, are usually gold diggers looking to snare a rich guy who will take them on trips, buy them cars, jewelry and sometimes homes. I am not like these women.
Trust me when I say that if I were to specifically look for a married man, I would be cruising the yacht clubs in Miami and Fort Lauderdale. His wife would be in the marriage for the money just as I would be in the affair for the money. While his wife was with him doing volunteer work and going to boring country club and business dinners, I’d be taken on trips all over the world on his private yacht (hence, the looking in yacht clubs) and I’d buy my jeans and tank tops (I wouldn’t need sweatshirts since I’d winter in Florida and summer in Nantucket) at Neiman Marcus instead of Old Navy. I’d drive a sporty little BMW instead of a Chevy and I would NEVER buy my Nikes on sale again! As for those $2 flipflops…fuggetaboudit! I’d buy the $20 flipflops with the ridiculous flowers and a nice big platform so they’d give me some height. My maid would clean up after me, the gardener would take care of the perfectly manicured lawn and flowers, the pool boy would make sure the water in my screened in pool and adjoining spa were at the perfect temperatures and pH balances and my house would be kept at a constant 70 degrees. What a nice world it would be! ::::::::::::::POP:::::::::::::::
OK….the bubble has burst.
My guy has a blue collar job and drives an almost 20 year old car that can in no way be considered “classic”. He can’t afford to take me on trips and he doesn’t shower me with clothes, cars and jewelry. He works two jobs to keep up with bills and when we go out to dinner, we very rarely go anyplace that has tablecloths. We don’t have much, but we have more than a lot of people. What we have can’t be bought. We have a terrific intimate relationship, but we also have a lasting friendship. Neither of us would lightly give up what we have with each other.
We’re not together because we planned it, we’re together because life happened. I’m not a “slut” or a “whore”. I don’t have “low self-esteem” as some have said in their comments. I don’t feel “unworthy” of a single man who can give me 100% of himself so I “settled” for the married man I’m with. I’m not “deluding” myself into thinking I’m happy and that he loves me. I know these things. I’m not “wasting” my time with him. Would things be better if he wasn’t married? In some ways, yes. He wouldn’t have to leave me at 2 AM to drive an hour home. I’d be able to know his daughter. We’d be able to go to my condo together every now and then, even with his daughter, so I could show her the Florida that I’ve known since I was a kid. Does any of this make me want to get rid of him for a “nice single man”? No. Does it mean that he still loves his wife if he’s not divorcing her? No. People can’t seem to wrap their minds around the fact that there is no black and white when it comes to infidelity.
Every relationship has down sides. In my relationship, the ups make up for the downs. No…not many women plan for this. It’s not easy being the other woman. No matter how busy you are, there are nights alone, vacations alone and holidays alone. I can hear it now; all the cheated on wives “tsk tsking”. I can guarantee that all of the “other women” who are reading this aren’t sleeping with happily married men. If a man has a mistress, he’s not really happy in his marriage, is he?