Do friends accept your affair?

When I first started seeing my married boyfriend, I lost a couple of friends. There was a group of us who met online and the friendships extended to real life. One of the group didn’t approve of my relationship. She had a husband who cheated on her, so she couldn’t understand why I would continue to date this man after I found out he was married. She convinced another of the group that I was not someone to be associated with, so, two friends….gone. I understand why they felt they needed to separate from me and didn’t try to convince them that what I was doing was right. How could I? I wasn’t sure if it was “right”.

As my relationship goes on, I find more ways to keep myself busy. One of the things I did was to sign up for volleyball two nights a week at the local high school. Each night after playing, a few of us would go out for what we call the “after volleyball pig-out”. During the off seasons, all of us try to get together at least once and a few of us will meet for dinner a couple of times a month. Sometimes my guy comes with me, but most times, it’s just a night out with the girls. They all know my situation and they accept it. I’m not saying it was easy in the beginning, but as they see how much time he spends with me, they see that what I have with my guy isn’t all about sex.

The way I see it, if you truly know someone, you know their character. Since my friends know me, they know that I’m not one who would deliberately break up a family. They have also come to know him and they accept us as a couple. None of them feels uncomfortable about our relationship. It’s good to have friends who don’t judge.

Not only do my friends accept him as my boyfriend, but his friends and family accepts me as his girlfriend. We don’t hide our relationship. We go out often and to places that aren’t hidden, so we run into people we both know. So far, no one has asked him about his wife, but they do ask about his daughter. Lately, his sister has started working weekends with us and we get along very well. We are also invited, as a couple, to family events.

I do get questions sometimes about how he is able to spend so much time with me. Honestly, I don’t know how to answer those questions since I’ve never asked him what he tells his wife in order to be with me as often as he is. All I know is that when he’s with me, his wife rarely calls him. He could be gone all weekend and she doesn’t bother calling to see how he is or if everything is OK. She doesn’t care. I guess that’s why he’s with me.

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9 thoughts on “Do friends accept your affair?

  1. This has nothing to do with the topic of this entry. I had a really good weekend with my guy. He just left, and here I am crying into my Ben & Jerry’s. Maybe it’s just never going to be enough. Sometimes this is so hard. I know I should try to focus on my own life and not be so emotionally dependent. I am just struggling. I started (as much as I tried not to) to get all teary eyed before he left, which makes him feel guilty. What makes it harder is I like his wife, we get along well, she is seeing someone else, but she will never let him go (not that I even think he wants to.) What am I doing???? He’s not al upset because he is not with me…why can’t I be that way and just accept that it is what it is?

    • Hi, Ann….

      As I’m reading this, I’m on vacation, without my guy. A friend and I came down to my condo in Florida for 2 weeks. A few years ago, I was where you are now: upset every time my guy left me to go home. Now, It doesn’t bother me as much. I guess maybe it’s because I have interests other than what I share with him. It took a while, but now I’m to the point where I can be away from him and not be upset. I used to vacation alone, which was rough, but now, I bring a friend or two sometimes and it’s easier. I don’t have much time to think about missing him.

      Yes, I’d love for him to be with me, but it can’t happen now, so I make the best of it. He calls me every day, but we don’t talk very long since I do have someone else with me. Every time we talk, he asks when I’ll be home.

      See….it really DOES get easier. You need to do what’s right for you. The one plus that you have is that your man’s marriage is an open one and his wife knows you exist. In time, you really will learn to accept that it is what it is. I’ve been there.

  2. Love your blog… I’m the other woman and learning to live with it in my own way…Please keep posting, coz I love reading :)

  3. Very interesting stuff. I’m about 6 months in and its really hard at times. I just want him and we spend very little time together but we talk all the time. I still think he is going to leave her and a part of me thinks that it would be dumb for him to so soon in our relationship. But he is my boyfriend and I’m so glad i found this site. I feel like I have found a support system

    • And i have a few friends that accept us but my best friend is getting married and won’t even talk about it any more. :-( its hard and i didn’t think about it all until I was fully in it

    • Whatever he decides to do with his marriage should be his decision. As outsiders, we really have no say in that matter especially since we really don’t know what happens at home. Just let him know that you stand behind whatever decision he makes, but also let him know that if he’s going to leave, it should be for HIM, not for you. This way, if he leaves and things don’t work out with you, you won’t feel you need to stay with him because you feel guilty.

  4. Thanks. It helps alot to stay positive and remember where I am and what I’m doing. I just wish that I didnt want him so much all the time.

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