The relationship with my married man started with a lie. I had known him for about 20 years, but at the time we became reacquainted, I hadn’t seen him for 6 years or so. When we saw each other after not talking for that long, he asked what was happening in my life and we talked about my job hunt and my kids (who were now pretty much grown). I asked what was new in his life and he told me about his new job, the death of both his parents about 6 months apart, his sisters and he asked if I would be interested in renting out one of my garages.
I happened to have an available garage, so about a month later, he ran into me as I was walking my dog and we made arrangements for him to rent that garage. He came by that weekend to clean up, put up shelving and start moving stuff in. I helped him with the work and the whole time, we talked. We talked about my new job, my kids, how we were going to set up the garage. We talked about his parents, his sisters, his job and he talked about how he was on a house hunt.
Every time he was here, we talked. People we knew, places we had been, family. He would spend time in the garage, then he would spend time talking to me. Whenever we talked, he would say things like “I need to go grocery shopping” or “I need to get my laundry done” or “I made a great stew for dinner”….he never slipped up and said “We”. Not once. One day, out of nowhere, he kissed me. I had always had a bit of a crush on him and I was liking him more and more as the time passed, but I had no idea that he was attracted to me in any way other than just being a friend.
Have I mentioned that we spent a lot of time talking? I thought I new just about everything there was to know about him. One thing led to another and we started having romantic dinners together (I love to cook) and he would help around the house. So our affair didn’t happen in a day. It was about a year since our first “re-meeting” that we finally slept together. One day, I happened to see his mom’s obituary. There was mention of him and his wife and daughter! WHAT?!?!?!? He never said anything about that. Nothing. Like I said before, never a “We” except when he was talking about US doing things. I thought there had to be a mistake. I thought that for sure, if he was married, or STILL married, he wouldn’t be spending so much time with me on the weekends and after work. There had to be his side of the story. Unfortunately, I never came out and asked.
Another 6 months went by and I guess he was feeling guilty, so he sat down and said “Look, if you ever see me walking with a little girl, I just want you to know that she’s my daughter.” The he told me a little about her…her name, her age. Still no mention of a wife.
A couple of months later, I was at work and my son called to tell me that there were people in my yard taking pictures of his car that was under a cover in my yard. I paged my guy and while I was waiting for him to get back to me, my son called and told me the he gave this guy my phone number so he could explain what he was doing. When my phone rang again, it wasn’t a guy. It was my boyfriends wife! She told me that she sent friends to take pictures of this car to surprise her husband with a restoration. Her voice sounded flat and dead. Nothing like a wife who was excited about surprising her husband with this really great gift.
Anyway, he got back to me and I didn’t know what to say. Was this really a surprise? If it was, I didn’t want to ruin it, so I just told him to call my son to get the details.
That night, when I got home from work, he came to see me. I just listened to what he had to say. He was unhappy but staying with his wife because of his daughter (we’ll get to those details some other time). He was afraid that his wife would try to take his daughter away from him like his mom tried to keep him from his dad. Maybe I was stupid, but I made the decision to stay with him on the condition that he NEVER lie to me again.
So far, it’s worked out.