Last week, I left for vacation with two friends. We had a great girls’ week of sun, fun and relaxation! Usually, when I go away with the girls, it’s with different girls and they only stay for a long weekend, so I’m alone the rest of the week. This vacation, I had no time to obsess over not being able to be with my guy.
When I got my email this morning, there was a comment from “Jen”, who can totally relate to the other woman situation, including knowing that she can never know her guy’s daughter. I think that’s the hardest part of all this: not knowing the one person most important in his life (yes, I realize his daughter is number 1 and that’s how it should be).
His daughter will be 11 soon, and is going through some changes. He called me up the other day while I was lounging by the pool to vent about some troubles his daughter is having with some bullies at her school. It’s a bit strange that he asks my advice on the situation since I’ve never met his daughter, but I’ve been through the school thing and pretty much have experience. True, I have boys, but trouble is trouble and there’s always a good way to handle things and a bad way to handle things. What amazes me the most is that while her teacher complains that the girl is “moody”, she never once mentioned that it COULD be because she’s 11 and is about an hour away from her first period. What is wrong with this picture? When I mentioned that this could be the cause of her “moodiness”, he said that was what he was thinking, but didn’t mention it because he figured the females at the meeting would blast him for blaming hormones.
Anyway…my guy’s daughter is very important to him and he is involved in every aspect of her life. If she has some sort of event on a Saturday, which is usually my full day with him, he goes to HER event. We work together on weekends during the summer, but if there’s something of importance happening in his daughter’s life, he doesn’t work that day so he could be with her. When he’s with me, he always takes time out before his daughter’s bedtime to call her to talk about her day and to say good night.
When I feel guilty, it isn’t that I’m taking him away from his wife; his wife doesn’t care that he’s not home. I feel guilty about taking time away from his daughter. As I’ve said, she’s the most important person in his life, and it’s hard knowing that I can’t know her (at least not at this time). I do hope that some day soon, I could meet her and get to know her.
After 10 years, I’ve learned to make the best of the situation. When I think about it, I really kind of have the best of both worlds. On one hand, I have a man who helps me with work around the house, who takes me out at least once a week, who hangs out with me just watching movies and who is a great lover. It’s like I have a rent-a-husband; he’s here until bedtime, then he goes home. We also talk a lot. We’re on the phone probably more than anyone I know, married or not. On the other hand, I have a lot of free time to do as I please. I have girls’ nights out and girls’ vacations. I play volleyball and take daily power walks. If I can’t sleep at night, I can turn on the light and read or watch TV without worrying about waking someone up. I don’t have to answer to anyone about what I buy. Even though I cook for my man, I don’t do it every night. When I’m on my own, sometimes I don’t even bother cooking; I’ll just make a sandwich when I’m hungry. I go by MY schedule.
Yeah, there are times when I get lonely, but with friends, pets and hobbies, there really isn’t much time to be lonely. I don’t need to be with someone constantly. I’m just recently beginning to realize that I like my alone time.
Being the other woman isn’t easy. We don’t just have him at his best. I listen to him rant about work, he asks for my opinion if he has a problem with his daughter (after all, I DO have two sons that I didn’t kill during the teen years, so I’ve been through it all…..alone), I get him when he’s tired, I get him when he’s not feeling well, I get him when he’s cranky after a long day at work. It’s not all peaches and cream, but we work through things. Is this a forever thing? I don’t know. But right now, I think I’ll keep him.