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Sugar or Equal to Help With That Bitterness?

I have received my first negative comment on this blog! Unfortunately, it was from someone who really never read through my posts. Rather than just send a reply, I thought I’d share. Here is the comment:

Right now, I’m raising my arms above my head, trying to pull my brain back into my body. Are you fucking serious? You wasted 9 years as the OW? Just mind blowing.

I’m not the OW (just take a guess at my role), though I do know her. She’s an imbecile. If that’s what men really want, go at it. Us smarter, more evolved women will be standing here on the hill laughing our asses off on the way to divorce court. And also laughing our asses off knowing that you’re only a piece of ass not even worthy of public recognition.

Let’s pick this apart, shall we? First of all, I do believe I have a post up that’s titled “Wasting Time?”. I’ll go over this again. How can it be considered wasting time when I’m living my life? I’m not sitting around just waiting for my man to come here, and when he IS here, we certainly aren’t hiding. We go out at least twice a week, but usually more. We go out with friends, we visit family (both his and mine), he helps me with the yard work, he’s currently helping me with some home renovations, we go shopping, we cook together, we watch movies, we laugh and we fight.   In other words, we have a REAL relationship.

Going by the second paragraph, I’m guessing that this comment is from a woman who has a cheating husband.  Well, I’m sorry about that.  Maybe she could benefit from my posts about how a wife could save her marriage by paying some attention to her husband.   My relationship started off as a friendship.  We spent hours talking.  We still spend hours talking.  Contrary to your belief, there are men out there who are cheating on their wives not for the sex, but for the emotional connection and the conversation.  The sex is a perk.

I think it’s sad that this person feels that her trip to divorce court is a laughing matter.  Obviously, the marriage wasn’t worth that much to begin with if divorce  was the only option she could think of.   It makes me wonder if she did anything to try to save her marriage.   Honestly, I’ve never been in that situation, but I would think that if the marriage was important, the one being cheated on (whether it’s the man or woman) would talk to their spouse and ask “Why?”.   She calls the other woman an “imbecile” and refers to the wives of cheaters as being more evolved.  I would think that a more evolved woman would  try to understand why her husband found the need to cheat.   Maybe there’s a chance to turn things around.

Don’t waste time on bitterness.   You chose the easy way out (divorce) rather than do the work it would take to save the marriage.  Your loss.  I just hope that if there are children involved, you decide to take the high road and not bad-mouth their father and (if he’s still with his mistress), his new girlfriend.   Don’t transfer your bitterness to your kids.  No matter what happened with you, the kids love their dad.  Let them have a relationship with him.

In closing, I’d like to say one more thing.  It’s now MY turn to laugh my ass off!  I’m nothing but a piece of ass?????  I think I’ve gotten the point across that I’m NOT just a piece of ass, but, at my age, I’m happy that someone would THINK  I’m a piece of ass!!!  So….thank you!

 

Waste of Time?

I have friends who have asked me why I’m wasting my time being with a married man Someone looking to get married may consider this a waste of time, but I don’t.

When you’re with a married man, you need to accept that it is what it is. There are things you can’t expect. You can’t expect him to leave his wife for you because sometimes, it’s just not possible. You can’t expect him to pay your bills. You can’t expect to go on a real vacation with him. You can’t expect to be able to call him any time of the day or night. You can’t expect him to be with you on “family” holidays. If you don’t expect anything, whatever extra time you have with him is gold.

This past holiday weekend, my guy and I worked together every day, so he stayed with me from Friday night to Tuesday morning. That was unusual. He left me for a few hours on Saturday night to take his daughter to see the fireworks, but when he brought her home, he came back to me.

I see my man more then most “mistresses” see their men. He’s with me almost every day after work and almost every Saturday. He’s only not with me when he has plans with his daughter. I like spending time with him. We genuinely like each other. We could spend hours talking, we go to restaurants, we watch movies, we do yard work and house work, we take day trips. We also work together on some weekends. I don’t think many other “other women” get that much time with their guys.

So, if you know you’ll have a lot of time alone, you need hobbies! I read a lot, I play video games, I play volleyball, I take long walks, I go out with friends. I keep myself very occupied. How is this wasting time???? As I’ve said, I don’t want to get married again. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt. Right now, I’m in a relationship that gives me time to be alone to do what I want to do just for me.

Right now, there’s no one else I’m interested in. One thing I’ve been upfront about is that if I meet someone I’m interested in and have the opportunity to date, I will. After 8 years of being with my married lover, I will give him the option to either get our relationship out in the open (I mean with his wife since everyone else knows about us) or let me go. It’s only fair that I discuss this with him.

No, I don’t consider this relationship as a waste of time. A waste of time would be if I just sat home waiting for him to call or come over and let life pass me by. That’s not what I do. Yeah, it would be nice to go away with him every now and then, but I’ll take what I can. In the meantime, I’m enjoying my life.