I don’t know how many “other women” have as much time out with their men as I do, but I’m sure some do. My man and I go out a lot. Some weeks, we go out to dinner at least 4 times. Besides going out for dinner, we stop at the local DD for coffee just about every day. The people we see in our every day lives think we’re married. It’s kind of crazy, but we have this interesting kind of vibe that people find amusing. There was a guy standing in line in front of us at DD the other day and before he left, he turned to us and said, “I love seeing you guys in here….you always make me smile! Just looking at you both, and the way you joke around with each other, I could tell that you’ve been married a long time.” Uh, huh.
We get that a lot from people we see often. Waiters, waitresses, cashiers….they always ask us how long we’ve been married. Earlier today, I told my guy that just once, when someone asks if we’re married, I want to say, “I’m not married, but HE is….”. I wonder what kind of reaction we would get. Could be interesting!
We definitely don’t try to hide. Of course, it helps that his wife is at home about an hour away from where I live. Whether we’re at home (my house) or out somewhere, we are always ourselves. We’re actually kids in adult bodies. We play around alot. He’ll pull my hair like a kindergartener and when he’s not looking, I’ll whip my braid around and smack him with it. We joke around with each other about really dumb things and we both LOVE to people watch!!! If I see someone strange, all I have to do is gently nudge him or subtly lean into him, and he knows exactly who I’m looking at.
When he got out of work today, he came to get me and we went to the recycling center. His town doesn’t have one, so he brings all his stuff to my town once a month or so. He had two bags full of newspapers, one big, one small. I figured I’d get them into the bin while he was getting rid of bottles, so, there I was, trying to carry these two bags. He came up behind me and said, “Let me help you with that…” and grabbed the smaller bag. I just shook my head, started laughing and called him a “dick”. Two older men who were walking past us just started cracking up. One of them said, “That’s the way to do it.” and the other one looked at me and said, “He may be a dick, but I could tell you love him anyway.” (BTW…he’s not really a dick.) Anyway…like I said….people find us approachable, I guess.
Over the weekend, we have been invited to go bowling with his aunts and cousins. It’s a family tradition of 50 years to take one of the cousins bowling for her birthday. It started when she was 7 and continues now that she’s 57. He can’t bowl because of an old shoulder injury, but he’ll watch us all and keep score. We’ll be going to a local bowling alley where he knows most of the people who hang out there. Obviously, he doesn’t care who sees him with me.
All of this is what he doesn’t have with his wife. I know this not because it’s what he tells me, but it’s what his family and friends tell me. I feel bad that his daughter can’t see us together. What she sees at home are two people who barely talk and who only interact when they have to. If they all go shopping together, he walks ahead with his daughter. His wife doesn’t really talk to either of them when they’re out in public. It’s really sad, when you think about it. I feel that a child should see his or her parents laughing with each other and playing every now and then.
Even though we go out all the time, we’re not stupid about it. We aren’t about to go somewhere that his wife’s family or friends would be at. That would just cause his wife a lot of humiliation and hurt (even though she pretty much threw him away, nobody wants to see someone you are or were dating or married to having fun with someone else). We’re not cruel. We will not throw our happiness in his wife’s face. We will continue on as we are right now. It’s not all fun and games, we have our fights. In fact, right now, I don’t like him very much, but I like him more than I did earlier in the week.
I guess it all depends on what the man’s (or woman’s) marriage is like. My man’s wife doesn’t care that he’s not home, which gives us the chance to be together all the time. Going out with a married lover is possible. It just needs to be done so no one is being hurt.