How Does Your Married Lover Split Valentine’s Day?

Today is Valentine’s Day.  My man’s daughter had already told him that he needed to get home right after work because she had a surprise for him, so I made plans to work all day, then make myself some poached salmon for dinner.  After that, I was going to get to bed early for a change.  Didn’t happen.

My man calls me every morning at 5:30 when he’s on his way to work.  Sometimes I’m awake because I’ve been working all night, but sometimes I talk to him when I’m half asleep.  Today was one of the latter days.   I got to sleep around 1 AM, so at 5:30, I still wasn’t ready to be awake.  He was annoying the hell out of me…asking me if I walked the dogs yet.  Telling me to get up and walk the dogs.  I finally dragged my tired ass out of bed, got into some sweats and got the leashes on.  I got outside and there was my guy!  He took the day off so he could spend the day with me, yet still be home after work to spend time with his daughter.

He brought me chocolate covered strawberries and a card.  Once the dogs were walked and I got into some real clothes, we went to breakfast.  After that, he fixed my washer, then we took a nap.  The poor guy works so hard and he hardly ever gets a chance to just relax and do nothing, so that’s what we did for a couple of hours.  We were all napped out, so we went out for lunch.  We hung out for a bit, then he left for home and his daughter.  All in all, it was a good day.

This was totally unexpected.  I don’t really do Hallmark holidays, so this was something different for me.  It was a nice different, though.

I may not have worked all day and I didn’t have my poached salmon, but I can STILL get my ass to bed early!!!!  Happy Valentine’s Day, all!

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23 thoughts on “How Does Your Married Lover Split Valentine’s Day?

  1. The married man I’m seeing promised he would call me today. I woke up to the sweetest text of my life but that’s it… no call, no flowers, no nothing. He was off and spent the day with her. All day I randomly sobbed, thinking: Now I bet they’re at dinner. Now I bet they’re exchanging gifts. Now I bet they’re having sex.

    They aren’t in love and don’t even share a room but… today was a special occasion… and I can’t stop feeling like an awful person for being jealous of his wife.

    :( Sad Valentine’s Day for me.

    • I’m sorry that you had a terrible Valentine’s Day. It’s especially difficult when it starts off with something sweet, then…..nothing. These are things we either have to deal with, or end things with our married lovers.

      See…this is what I don’t understand…if they aren’t in love and don’t share a room, then why would Valentine’s Day still be considered a “special occasion” for them? Even if it was an anniversary, I would think that neither of them would still consider it “special” if they were no longer in love. If you were thinking that they were having sex, does that mean that you really don’t believe what he’s said about NOT sleeping with his wife?

    • Fiorella, I do the exact same thing girl :( I’ve been seeing my man for almost 5 years and I’m still doing that. Every holiday, special occasion, family moment I find myself riding that emotional roller coaster thinking well they are doing this and they are doing that. He insists its not happening like my head tells me but I just have a very hard time keeping those thoughts at bay. He insists that he is only staying until his youngest daughter goes to college (2 years).

      • Yes….not all rollercoaster rides are fun.

        For years, I’ve had the discussion about Valentine’s Day with my man. He finally got it through his head that even though I looked at it as a “Hallmark Holiday”, for some reason, I wanted him with me. I guess it’s all the “pressure” put on us with the commercials and such, but it’s still a bitch to see all the little hearts and flowers while you’re alone. So now, he takes the day off from work and spends time with me, then goes home to be with his daughter, who usually has a homemade card and cake for him.

  2. How lovely for you! I talked with mine for hours while he was at work yesterday, we addressed a little something that was on my mind, and felt more loved than I ever have on this particular Hallmark Holiday.


    • It always helps when we can talk freely and honestly with our men. We get a lot off our chests and they, for the most part, understand.

  3. Had the same kind of Valentines day! He showed up in the morning with mamosas we snuggled and cuddled and had the most amazing morning. I call him Don Draper and that’s how he is saved in my phone and all last week I got thoughtful amazing gifts from him. (I’m still waiting.on one more) I feel like this weekend was a mile stone for us. We were out in public he called met and brought us coffee while we were shopping. Which was huge. Now we have a date planned in public. A balance is starting to come and it couldn’t be better for me. I get my alone time and we talk constantly. Its amazing

  4. Roses chocolates dinner champagne and pajamas. He spent the night with me because I am his Valentine. He spends Mon Tue and Wed nights with me. Thur Fri Sat and Sun nights w his children.

  5. I have not read your blog before. I am seeing a man who is married. He lives very far away. We both feel that we belong together, and I have now left my own relationship because it did not make me happy. But I am not so sure about what he will do. So I started thinking: Can I imagine being the other woman? I love him, we have what I feel a unique friendship, and it gives me so much to that he loves me. At the same time I really want the best for him and worry about him all the time. But how would that affect our relationship, if he stays married?

    So it is nice to read you blog, thank you for giving so much support to people you don’t know.

    • My man is still married and will stay married due to many reasons that I have come to accept. I know he loves me and is with me as much as he can be, so I can overlook when he’s NOT here. I know that he needs to spend time with his daughter too, and I encourage that.

      I don’t think any of us in this situation ever imagined that we would be “the other woman”, but it happened. How it affects your relationship if he stays married is up to the two of you and why he’s staying married. The only thing I can say is do NOT live your life for him only. You need to do things on your own…be your own person.

      Thank you for reading and if you ever need to “talk” feel free to comment again. It does help to know you’re not alone, doesn’t it? ;-)

    • Jenny,

      Your story is sad. Since when do you know him? Do you see him often? You need to decide if you can accept to live as his lover or if you want to become more in his life. Have you talked about it with him? You say he lives far away…in another country? Maybe this is the difficult part for him? Long distance relationships have their limitations…and at one point technicalities can get in the way. Other Woman is right, come back and share, this will help you.

  6. I seriously thought I might be alone. I love a man who loves his daughter, and I would never, ever ask him to give up time with her for anything. I live with my sons, and he lives with his daughter, and his wife. We have loved each other for 20 years, we just haven’t gotten our timing right yet. Someday, we will. Right now, I am sad because the three of them are going on vacation together. I made him promise to have fun with his little girl, and I think he will, but, oh lord, I will miss him. He lives 500 miles away from me, so it is not the physical connection I will miss, but I won’t be able to have all-day conversations with him, and that makes me sad. But I will live. Thanks for helping me feel a little less alone in my situation!

    • Robin….

      Sometimes, it does feel like we’re the only ones in this situation, which is why I started this blog. It helps knowing that there are others like us. A lot of people think that what we’re doing is wrong, but it’s so easy to judge when you don’t really know the full story. They also don’t understand that it’s not just a physical thing between us and our married lovers (which you can see by the comments calling me “just a piece of ass”). :-)

      I have known my man for over 25 years. Sometimes, I think about what would have happened if I got out more at the time and dated him when he was single, but we were both different people back then. I don’t think it would have worked. When we finally did get together, the timing was right, but not right because he was married. Woulda, coulda, shoulda.

      His vacation time is tough. My guy does bring “our” phone with him and he calls whenever he could. We miss our men, but their kids need them more than we do.

      • That’s what I figure. I know he will still love me in ten years, twenty. I can wait for my turn. We call this Chapter 3. We tried twice before, when neither of us were attached to someone else, but those Chapters weren’t right, either. We believe that is because our kids, who are amazing, had to happen. So here we are, both in a place where we can really devote ourselves to our kids while they are young, but looking forward to growing old together. Do I resent his wife? Sometimes. And sometimes I feel sorry for her. And sometimes I want to shake her and say to her, hey! Your husband is the perfect man! Love him! But, I love him enough to make up for her. And, like you, I enjoy my independence, and it is enough to know that I get to dance with him every night in my dreams. Judge away, people. God knows I didn’t choose to love Him, but God also knows how our story will end.

  7. A few weeks ago I came across this website and wrote how thankful I was to find it as I had just found out that I was the other woman. You were so candid in your response and really helped me make a decision. I decided to stay in the relationship because I truly feel that what we have is worth it. While I didn’t get the hallmark holiday celebration on the 14th, I got infinitely more than roses or candy. I had a particularily difficult week personally and professionally. I always have friday afternoons off, so what did he do? He took friday afternoon off to be there for me…with out asking, he showed up because he knew I needed him. We had a wonderful afternoon, he let me get it all out, my frustration, my anger, my hurt with everything that had happened throughout the week, then just held me in silence for a long time. I have never had a man like this in my life and I feel that though things are complicated and there are many grey areas, it is NOT complicated when it comes to how we feel about eachother. I am grateful for this site and for hearing other’s stories and the safe place to share and not be judged (for the most part). Thank you!

    • Sally….I’m glad I could help in some small way and things are going good for you and your guy.

      We all need to talk things out at one point or another.

      Thanks so much!!!

  8. My boyfriend and I have been together for about 4 years. Since 2008. I guess I was young at the time, and he had been dating someone older than me (and him). But when we got together- it was instant fireworks. It took him about 8 months to get a “date” with me. But when he did- from that day… it was a great relationship… Sexually and Mentally. Fast Forward almost a year, he claimed to have broken up with the woman, blah blah blah. But had he? Not forreal. I too, was in a relationship at the time… but it was hard to stay with my ex AND him. So, I chose him. And I thought he had done the same.

    Long story short- He proposed to me, but there were clear signs in his house that she was still coming around… and that he was still seeing her. So, my answer to him was, “Yes, absolutely- but we need to talk first”. Well, he misinterpreted that response to mean I didnt love him unconditionally… and he proposed to her a couple of weeks later. She said, yes!

    Needless to say, I failed to talk to him for months- until he had someone call me and beg me to talk to him. Once we were able to sit down- he exclaimed how he was making a huge mistake marrying her- but was too deep in to turn back at that point. I painfully took him back.

    Since then, we have had so many rocky roads, ups and downs… painful breakups and passionate make ups… All laced with “I love you more than you will ever know”, “Please dont judge this situation, because you dont know how in love with you I am”. So, I am here.

    I made a decision to stay- although it hurts a lot sometimes to know he goes home to her each night… Upside- they have no children… she is aware of my presence, since we talked the day they got engaged- and I am aware that she feels incredibly threatened by me being around.

    For Valentines days, Holidays- that sort of thing: He always takes time out to make sure I am getting my just due. He bought me a Teddy Bear- we went to lunch (as we normally do everysingleday) and he doesnt miss a morning texting to tell me good morning.

    A day doesnt go by that we dont talk. Even on Weekends. He understands my loneliness, and listens very attentively to me when I have a concern… So he does things like, a couple of weeks ago- he came over on a Saturday afternoon and brought lunch- and we watched a movie- then took a nap- and he was able to hold me… and we fell asleep together…

    I know that I love him- because when I try to let him go- it makes my body hurt.

    This situation is not necessarily the easiest- but after so much time… and so much effort- it is hard to imagine he doesnt really and truly love me.

    They dont have children together- so, I am still hard-pressed to understand why he remains in the situation… if they have no ties.

    For now, I will go with what he claims. But, your blog seems to be juuust the support I need to get me through!


  9. Just found this and though I haven’t read through all the posts yet, I just want to thank you so much for making this blog. I’m in a very similar situation and I’m just so happy to come across an article or blog that doesn’t treat this as black or white or the other woman doesn’t view this as a game. It just kinda makes me sick, I’m in no way trying to destroy a marriage or steal him away but we happened to fall in love with each other and we’re just trying to make the best of a daunting situation.
    I’ve told him countless times that if things start working out between his wife that I wouldn’t hold any hard feeling for him ending this and I would cherish the times we had together. I understand the fact that he’s married, has a daughter, and divorces are never easy. She’s well aware of the influence I have in her husband’s life but not the extent of our relationship. She knows that we’re close friends but that’s about it. I feel extremely guilty especially when she recently got in contact with me to thank me for being a listen ear to him since their marriage is on the brink.
    He is really wonderful though, I wake up every morning to a sweet text message. We keep in contact with each other all day, when I go into work he’s usually leaving and kiss him goodbye, he tries to spend as much time with me as possible, either out as friends or visiting me after going out somewhere and he can spend alittle time with me before going home.
    I do love him but it’s not an easy situation. Sorry this is incredibly long but it feels nice to vent since it not something I can do very often. Thanks again for making with wonderful blog and being able to read other people’s situations and be understood.

    • Too many people feel that being with a married person is wrong…PERIOD. There are so many reasons why it’s NOT wrong. It’s also amazing how many of us DID tell our MM that they should really give their wives a chance to show that they want the marriage to work. Is it our fault that the wives refused to help make things better? How does that make US the “bad” guys? (Do I feel a post coming on?)

      Would I go out looking for a married man? Not a chance! Would I do it again? No way!!! I’d certainly ask a lot of questions that I neglected when this relationship was starting! But then…I don’t think I have to worry about it. After this much time, I’m in it for the long run!

      But then again, who knows what tomorrow holds…

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