How Do You Keep the Magic Alive?

When two people get married, I would hope that it’s because they love and respect each other. But what happens when things change? After all…life happens.

Let’s face it…nothing ever stays the same. If it does, life is boring. Relationships become stagnant. People change. Change is inevitable as they grow. When two people meet and fall in love, it helps if they have some of the same interests, but this doesn’t mean that they need to enjoy doing everything their partner enjoys. A husband may have a passion for fishing, but the wife may hate it. The wife may love going to yoga classes, but the husband doesn’t feel the need to do it himself. Does this mean that the poor guy can never fish again? Does it mean she can never execute another warrior pose? Of course not! Fishing could be done alone, or with the guys. Yoga could be done at home, or with friends at the gym. There’s nothing wrong with a little me time.

Sometimes, it’s hard to make a marriage work with the pressures of careers, unemployment, children, bills, etc. We all need our little outlets. Problems arise when each partner doesn’t respect the other’s need to just have a “me day”. I’ve known people who have stopped doing what they love because their spouse doesn’t enjoy it. I’ve known women who have told their husbands that they couldn’t have a night out with the boys and I’ve known men who will not even consider that their wives would want to go out with the girls. Why should they NOT have this time with friends just because they’re married?

I believe that you are just setting the stage for lies by not “allowing” your spouse to pursue his or her interests. If you won’t allow your husband to have a boys’ night, don’t expect him to NOT lie when he wants to meet some friends at the sports bar. In a marriage, love and respect are important, but isn’t trust also important? If you can’t trust your spouse, what kind of relationship do you really have?

Also, what’s wrong with giving something new a try? How can a woman say she hates something if she’s never tried it? If your husband is asking you to go fishing, or play golf, or hike, why not give it a go? It’s one day out of your life. As for the husbands…go to a flower show or to a day spa if your wife asks. Don’t say “no” all the time. Make an effort.

With all the pressures of day to day life, we all need a place to go that relaxes us. Why not try to make that place your home? If you know your husband is having a rough day at work, why not arrange for someone to watch the kids for an hour or two when he comes home so you could give him a massage, or so he could enjoy his favorite meal in peace. Don’t meet him at the door with MORE problems. Let him relax.

If your wife has had a rough day with the kids, when you get home from work, tell her that you’ll take over childcare for an hour or so, then set up a nice, hot bubble bath for her (complete with scented candles). If you’re extra-tired, ask her for a little time so you could unwind, but let her know that you realize her day was rough, too and that you’re planning something to make her feel better.

Marriage isn’t all roses and kittens, but when each partner makes the effort to please the other, things will work out. Remember to talk to each other (not just about the kids). Remember to show affection. Remember to say “I love you”. This will help keep the magic alive. If a husband or wife feels neglected, unappreciated, unloved or unwanted, it could lead to him or her looking elsewhere for what’s missing.

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