The holidays are here. This time of year can be very challenging when you’re in a relationship with a married man. This is especially true if there are young children involved.
When your married lover has young kids, don’t expect to see him on holidays. Thanksgiving, Christmas, Chanukah, Halloween, even New Year’s Eve and Day, Valentine’s Day, Easter and any other “family days” all belong to his child. Actually, I think I’d worry about my man’s character if he DIDN’T want to spend these days with his child. Think about it. If a man is willing to ditch his kid on Christmas, what will he do to you??? Even if he is with you on Mother’s Day, if he can disrespect the mother of his child by being with you, how can you expect him to respect YOU?
Today is Christmas Eve. My guy’s daughter is in a Christmas pageant at their church. All the CCD kids need to participate, and he will be there supporting her. Tomorrow, he will spend the day with his daughter and since she is off from school until after the new year, he took the week off from work to stay home to watch her. He has vacation time, his wife doesn’t, so he does this every year.
Now, how do I handle all this? Well, we made our own “holidays”. Yesterday was kind of like “Festivus” (thank you George Costanza!!!). The other night, we went food shopping and we bought the makings for Friday night dinner. What I didn’t know is that he was planning on surprising me by taking off from work and spending the entire day with me. He called me at 5:30 as usual, but at 6:00, he was already hanging up the phone (normally, we talk until 6:45 or so). The next thing I knew, my dogs were barking like crazy and he was coming in. That’s when I surprised him: I told him that I had afternoon plans with friends to play miniature golf! He understood completely since he knows I wouldn’t blow off my friends at the last minute.
So, after sleeping in, we went out for breakfast and some last minute shopping, I went with my friends, then when I got home, we started making our dinner. We work really well together in the kitchen. After pigging out on prime rib, garlic mashed purple potatoes and fresh string beans with slivered almonds, we just hung out watching a movie. I love “holidays” like that! No pressure….nothing to do but enjoy the day.
I will see my man during the week when his wife is home to be with their daughter. I’ve been told that we have “things” to do. A few of his cousins have invited us over to spend some time with them, so we’re going to make the rounds. Then, next Friday, we’ll have OUR New Year’s Eve.
When you think about it, making your own holidays is perfect! There are no crowds to deal with (unless you forget there’s a “real” holiday and try to hit a mall!), no limited menus if you plan on going out for a nice dinner and no inflated prices. Tradition is what you make together. Our tradition is just hanging out. You may say that we do that all the time, but when I make a regular weekly dinner, I don’t usually make something like prime rib. Also, we normally don’t have the entire evening devoted only to each other.
Yeah, there are trade-offs, but if you love each other, you make it work. Next year, though, I’m sure that if he’s going to take a day off to be with me, he’ll tell me about it well in advance!