Tag Archive | disadvantages of being with a married man

Holiday Time with Your Married Man

The holidays are here.   This time of year can be very challenging when you’re in a relationship with a married man.  This is especially true if there are young children involved.

When your married lover has young kids, don’t expect to see him on holidays.   Thanksgiving, Christmas, Chanukah, Halloween, even New Year’s Eve and Day, Valentine’s Day, Easter and any other “family days” all belong to his child.  Actually, I think I’d worry about my man’s character if he DIDN’T want to spend these days with his child.  Think about it.  If a man is willing to ditch his kid on Christmas, what will he do to you???  Even if he is with you on Mother’s Day, if he can disrespect the mother of his child by being with you, how can you expect him to respect YOU?

Today is Christmas Eve.  My guy’s daughter is in a Christmas pageant at their church.  All the CCD kids need to participate, and he will be there supporting her.  Tomorrow, he will spend the day with his daughter and since she is off from school until after the new year, he took the week off from work to stay home to watch her.  He has vacation time, his wife doesn’t, so he does this every year.

Now, how do I handle all this?  Well, we made our own “holidays”.   Yesterday was kind of like “Festivus” (thank you George Costanza!!!).  The other night, we went food shopping and we bought the makings for Friday night dinner.  What I didn’t know is that he was planning on surprising me by taking off from work and spending the entire day with me.  He called me at 5:30 as usual, but at 6:00, he was already hanging up the phone (normally, we talk until 6:45 or so).  The next thing I knew, my dogs were barking like crazy and he was coming in.  That’s when I surprised him:  I told him that I had afternoon plans with friends to play miniature golf!  He understood completely since he knows I wouldn’t blow off my friends at the last minute.

So, after sleeping in, we went out for breakfast and some last minute shopping, I went with my friends, then when I got home, we started making our dinner.  We work really well together in the kitchen.  After pigging out on prime rib, garlic mashed purple potatoes and fresh string beans with slivered almonds, we  just hung out watching a movie.  I love “holidays” like that!  No pressure….nothing to do but enjoy the day.

I will see my man during the week when his wife is home to be with their daughter.  I’ve been told that we have “things” to do.  A few of his cousins have invited us over to spend some time with them, so we’re going to make the rounds.  Then, next Friday, we’ll have OUR New Year’s Eve.

When you think about it, making your own holidays is perfect!  There are no crowds to deal with (unless you forget there’s a “real” holiday and try to hit a mall!), no limited menus if you plan on going out for a nice dinner and no inflated prices.  Tradition is what you make together.  Our tradition is just hanging out.  You may say that we do that all the time, but when I make a regular weekly dinner, I don’t usually make something like prime rib.  Also, we normally don’t have the entire evening devoted only to each other.

Yeah, there are trade-offs, but if you love each other, you make it work.  Next year, though, I’m sure that if he’s going to take a day off to be with me, he’ll tell me about it well in advance!

 

Where is he now that I need him?

This is the week from hell. I’ve mentioned that I was just returning to work after a month off. The reason for this is that my boss wants me gone. Long story, not for this blog. Bottom line in this is that my boss wants me gone and she’s made this week the worst week of my working life.

I realize today that this is the end of my job. I need my man to be with me because tomorrow, I have to face this boss from hell knowing that by the end of tomorrow, she will either fire me or make it so impossible for me to be there that I quit. I’m trying not to do that because I really DO need a job, but the woman is seriously insane.

As I’ve said, I need my man here. He was here when I got home and we went out to dinner. We came home and watched Wipeout (best game show EVER!!!), which I needed because it always makes me laugh. When that was over, he took my dogs out for a walk, then it was time for him to leave. This is a night where my life is at a turning point and I need him, but now, I’m here left to deal with all these screwed up feelings alone. I could use a hug, but can’t get one. He’s still sick, I’m sick and both of us need rest so we could go to work tomorrow. That means he goes home and I stay alone. I’m tired of dealing with issues alone. I’m sure this is a problem many women with married lovers face.

Is it worth it? Sometimes, I think it is. Sometimes, I think it’s not. First thing’s first: I need to concentrate on not letting my boss get to me to the point where I walk out. When this issue is done, I’ll think about what to do with the married lover issue.

Happy New Year

Every New Year’s Day, I go through the same thing: I try to decide if I want to be alone another New Year’s Eve/Day, or do I end this relationship?

My man was here the other day and when he left, he told me he would be here on New Year’s Day. It would have been the first time in all the time we’ve been together that we’ve spent this day together. I didn’t know what time he would be here, but usually, he’ll call me as he’s driving down. When he comes here, we go out to breakfast, so I didn’t eat. It was about 12:30 when he called from his phone (not a good sign). He’s not feeling well, running a fever, and he’s not coming. Not only is he not coming, he also said that he probably wouldn’t be going to work next week. I didn’t take it well. Basically, I hung up on him.

Am I being unsympathetic to his being sick? No. I understand that people get sick and it’s beyond their control. The problem arises that tomorrow, he’ll be “well enough” to entertain his sister and her boyfriend. Also, if he kept the promise to me that he would be with me, this wouldn’t be an issue. He’d be here. The other problem arises that he says he won’t be going to work all week. Why is that a problem? It’s a problem because before he left me last weekend, I asked why he was being so nice and how many weeks will it be before I see him. He told me that he would be down during the week and then it will be back to work, so I would MAYBE not see him for a few days. Enter Blizzard of 2010. By the time he got here, it was Thursday. That’s when he told me that his sister invited herself over for Sunday and we went to get the groceries for the dinner he was going to be making for them. That’s also when he told me that he would be here on Saturday (today). Now, he’s sick. Not only that, but I now feel that I screwed up his plan to be all romantic and sweet so he could prime me for his news that he was taking not one but TWO weeks off of work. Once I asked how many weeks I wouldn’t see him, he had to come up with Plan B.

I don’t think he does this to purposely hurt me. I seriously think that being a male, he’s naturally stupid. He feels that if he doesn’t tell me something, it can’t hurt me. We’ve had this conversation. It doesn’t sink in.

See, he knew how much I needed to be with him this weekend. I think I’ve mentioned that on Monday, I’ll be going to work for the first time in over a month. I’m not looking forward to it. The day and week are going to be hell. My boss is certifiably crazy and the only reason I’m still there is because in this economy, no one is hiring full time. If I could work full time in the local Stop N Shop, I’d give my notice in a flash! Screw the salary. It’s close and I could walk. He knows how I feel about this whole thing and he still made no effort to get here.

This is a BIG disadvantage of seeing a married man. He’s never around when you need him.

Sucky year end

I’ve been on a hiatus from work for about a month. You’d think I would see my man more, right? Wrong. Just as I was getting my break, HE was going back to work after being out for a year (work related accident). For him, going back to work was a highlight. Workmen’s Comp isn’t all it’s cracked up to be and money was tight. Now that he’s back at work, a financial load is lifted.

I have another week to go before I go back to work. Can we spend this week together? Nope. It’s winter break at his daughter’s school! Because he hadn’t worked in a year, a sitter or day care is out of the question, so my guy took a vacation week (which he had to use or lose) to stay home with his daughter. Normally, he would be with me at night. Not this week. Why? The blizzard of 2010 hit! He’s snowed in and can’t get here. I’m snowed in and can’t get anywhere.

Times like this are hard. When he goes to work and it snows, he stops by here after work and we shovel out together. We work as a team. When he’s off from work and it snows, he’s not here. Which means I get to shovel out alone. Our relationship is such that we are there for each other and help each other as much as possible. When he’s not around, I miss that.

Holidays

So, the holidays are upon us. This was the first year that I have been with my man on Christmas Eve AND Christmas Day.

The holiday I celebrate is Winter Solstice. My man and I work second jobs together and this year, the holiday party for that job was held on the Solstice. It’s a family owned business, so most of his cousins were there.

Christmas Eve, he surprised me by coming down to go to his aunt’s house. He hasn’t been to his aunt’s annual holiday party in years. His family can’t stand his wife, she can’t stand them, so she has refused to have anything to do with them. I know most of his family, they like me, I like them, so I went to the party with him. Our relationship is the worst kept secret of the family. They know I’m his girlfriend and accept the situation. I guess most people would find this odd. It is.

Christmas Day was another surprise. He stopped by at night after his daughter went to bed. I wasn’t expecting him, so I was in the process of cleaning when he got here, which meant that my room was ripped apart. Poor baby couldn’t even sit down, but he hung out and talked to me. He even pitched in a bit.

This weekend is New Years. We’ll see if he makes an effort to see me.

The holidays have been difficult. First there’s Christmas, then New Years, then Valentine’s Day. It’s the triple whammy. His daughter expects him there for all three of these holidays. This means, I don’t see him. This also means that I go through the annual “Is this really worth it” discussion with myself. The thing is, he’s good to me all year. He surprises me with presents, he takes me to dinner at least once a week, we go on day trips, we do housework together. We really don’t need a holiday to show each other we care.

Even so, the holiday I miss having him around the most is New Years Eve/Day. Just once, I’d like to spend that day with him. It would be so great to be able to end the year and start a new year with him.