Tag Archive | involving family in affair

Why Can’t His Wife Try to be Civil with His Family?

People have asked me in their comments “How do you know his wife doesn’t care?”  Well, the past few weeks have been awful and her lack of caring is perfectly clear.

My MM’s 50 year old cousin was diagnosed with cancer about 5 years ago.  Last week, she lost her battle.  We had spent the last two Saturdays visiting her in the hospital.

Before they were married, my guy and his wife (then girlfriend) lived in the same house as this cousin, so they knew each other well.   I knew this and asked when he and his wife would be going to the viewing so that I would not run into them there.  He told me that I would be going with him to the wake and funeral because his wife would not go to either.  I was pretty much stunned by this.

This was a woman who did nothing but try to be friends with his wife, but his wife wouldn’t give her a chance.  She hates everyone in his family, and they grew to hate her because of it.  The one person who loses in this situation is their daughter, because she has a whole family she doesn’t know.  She doesn’t want to know them because her mother has poisoned her mind when it comes to his family.

So, we were at the viewing as a couple.  I sat with the family and walked his elderly aunts to the ladies room to make sure they didn’t fall.  After the viewing, one of his cousins and his 95 year old Aunt Ruth met us at a diner for a late supper.  My man stayed with me that night because the funeral was going to be early the next day.

No one asked about his wife; it was expected that she wouldn’t be there.  Do I find it odd that his family accepts me like they do?  Of course I do!  They never all his wife if they need help with anything and they never call to invite her over, but they call me at least once a week to come over and play board games.

Yes, my relationship with this MM is so different than any other that I have heard of.  We are always out in the open; never hidden.  It’s not always like this when dating a married man or woman.

I’m glad that I’m accepted and I’m glad I got to say “good-bye” to a wonderful woman.  One thing I feel bad about is that his wife, the one who SHOULD have cared, didn’t.  She should have put her feelings about his family aside for this.  I also believe that his tween daughter should have been there to at least pay her respects and meet her cousins.

RIP, Kathy…you were a wonderful friend and mother.  You will be missed.

How does family fit in?

I don’t think any woman plans on having a relationship with a married man. I also don’t think that any woman plans on a one night stand with a married man. I know being with a married man wasn’t on MY list of “Things to Do” (no pun intended).

In the beginning, I didn’t know that the guy I was interested in was married. He didn’t exactly lie, but he omitted that bit of information. Lies of omission…just as bad as an actual lie and 8 years later, I’m still reminding him of that. Yes, it takes me a while to let go of things.

OK, so here we are, 8 years later. I’ve known for 7 years that he’s married, yet I’m still with him. Why? Because we love each other and our relationship, for the most part, works. There are ups and downs, but isn’t that true with any relationship?

Little by little, over the years, I’ve heard stories about his wife. For the most part, she’s not a very nice person. I don’t say this because it’s what he tells me. I say this because I hear it from others who know her, mostly, his family. Apparently, from the beginning of his relationship with his wife, she alienated him from his family. He has a 10 year old daughter that most of his family hasn’t seen in years because his wife refuses to go visit them. She also refuses to let him bring his daughter to visit. Personally, I don’t think this is very fair to his daughter because she has cousins she’s never met. There isn’t one person in his family that will say anything nice about this woman. From what I understand, she also didn’t like his mother and made it very difficult for him whenever he went to visit her while she was dying.

There have been some changes in the past couple of years. First of all, he actually visits members of his family. Sometimes he goes alone, but most times, he brings me. When they invite him, they ask him to bring me. When they see me, they give me big hugs and kisses and treat me like part of the family. The other day, we were at his aunt’s house and one of his cousins asked why he was still living with his wife when it’s obvious he’s not happy with her. His answer was that he needs to be there for his daughter. During this visit, his aunt brought out her antique dominoes set and we played for 2 hours. His visits have become the talk of the family. They hadn’t seen him in so long except in passing, that they’re thrilled that he’s coming around again. They miss him and blame his wife for his absence. It’s really nice seeing my guy reconnect with his family. He’s happier, they’re happier and all is good.