Tag Archive | the other woman

The Other Woman will be on the Radio

Hi, EveryJennifer Keitt Showone!

I just wanted to let you all know that I have just been confirmed to be a phone-in guest on The Jennifer Keitt Show.   The show is on Kiss 104 in Atlanta, GA and the title of the show will be “The Other Mrs” (though it’s possible that this could be changed).   This is a live, call-in show that will air on July 14th from 6 to 8 PM EDT.    It can be heard as it airs, on-line.  Please go to http://www.jenniferkeitt.com and follow the link to the show at the bottom of the page to get more details as they are posted.

I’ve never done anything like this before, so it should be a very interesting experience!  I hope some of you tune in!

L.

The Other Woman’s Vacation with the Girls!

I just got back from vacation.  It was spectacular!!!

Thanksgiving night, I picked up my friend, Janet, and we started the long drive down I-95.  I love the drive, but this is the first time I was doing it mostly at night, so having Janet along was great.   I was, however, happy to see the sunrise when we were somewhere in Georgia!

OK…so….I do this once or twice a year.  Sometimes I go alone, sometimes with friends.  Sometimes, we just hang out at the pool, but this trip, we decided to have some adventure.  Janet and I originally planned on leaving the Friday after Thanksgiving, so our friend, Lana, was going to fly in on Saturday so we could pick her up at the airport.  Leaving early gave us some time to rest after the long drive.

The one thing we HAD to do this trip was go to Key West.  Janet and Lana had never been there and every time I had been there, I could never see the sunset in Mallory Square (it was usually cloudy), so Monday morning, we were off again.  It was a gorgeous day!!!   It’s always nice when you’re driving through the keys down Route 1 and the weather cooperates.

We had plenty of time, so we stopped by the Coral Castle…one of my favorites!  If you’ve never been there, it’s in Homestead, FL.  The history of the place is amazing!  It was built by one small man, but no one seems to know how he did it.  He had no help, yet set these huge coral blocks in place.  He built his “castle” for his true love, who never got to see it.  Originally, it was built in Miami, but was later moved (by the builder, alone) to Homestead.  It’s not a big place and is easily missed even though it’s right on Route 1,  but it’s interesting to see.  There’s a built in tour that tells the history of the place; all you have to do is press a button on the strategically  placed kiosks, so you’re not confined to any schedule.

As I said, the weather was beautiful!  The view from every bridge was perfect, especially for two people who had never seen it.  We got to Key West, found a motel, then set off for shopping, dinner and sunset!   We found a table right on the edge of the patio, ordered our munchies and drinks, then waited for the “show”.  I was a bit worried because about 100 feet from us was a docked cruise ship waiting to sail (that would not have made for good sunset viewing).  The ship waited, the view was unobstructed by clouds and our life was good!  The next adventure was for Lana:  SHOPPING!  Some of the shops and kiosks in the square are incredible.  Since it’s a pretty artsy place, just about everything is hand-made and unique.

We fit as much into those 2 days as we could.  We stopped at every shop and bar on Duvall Street, I introduced them to Kermit’s Key Lime Pie on a stick and we visited Hemingway House.  I never actually took the whole tour before.  Cats, cats and more cats!!!!  All six-toed.  They have the run of the place.  As we were getting our tickets, the lady asked if the 4 of us were together.  Hmmmm….I THOUGHT there were only 3 of us….but there was some random guy standing right behind me.  I just told the lady that there were 3 of us, but if my “friend” wanted to pay, he was welcome to do that.  We had a little banter going back and forth until his wife stepped up and gave me the evil eye!!!  LOL!  OMGs!  Trust me when I say, this man was SO not my idea of desirable.  We were in Key West, so the male tourist thing is Bermuda shorts and sandals (with socks!!!!!) and a gaudy print shirt <shudder>.  Well…this guy was following us the entire tour and his wife was right behind him.  When we went to the balcony, I stayed away from the edge thinking there would be an “accident”.

Everywhere I go, I seem to make friends.  This amuses Janet and Lana to no end and they love telling Paul all about my “flirting”.  This is   made easier for them to do since my car has a Bluetooth connection and he usually called as we were on our way somewhere (he has impeccable timing!).  They told him about the guy at Hemingway House, the guy at the gas station store that helped me find tea, the guy in the t-shirt shop….everyone I said “Hi” to, according to them, I was flirting with.  Of course, to hear them tell it, my eyelashes were batting so hard they felt the breeze!  My guy is used to this.  Everywhere we go, I do the same thing.  He finds it amusing too.

Last year when I was in Key West with my friend, Natalie, we stopped at a bar that gave us coupons for two-for-one margaritas.  Needless to say, I was snockered!  I was taking pictures of the strange guys that tried to pick us up and other sites along the way.  We were in a t-shirt shop and the owner happened to be from NJ and told me how he loves it there and that I should move down there and we could live happily ever after.  So, my guy picks this time to call.  The conversation went like this:

Me:  Hi, honey!!!  I’m in a t-shirt shop talking to my future husband 

Him:  Uh, huh…..

Me:  Yep!  We just had a zillion margaritas and my future husband is helping me find some gifts.

Him:  Uh, huh…..

Me:  So….honey….I’m going to move to Key West and work in a t-shirt shop, OK???

Him:  Uh, huh…..So, is Natalie sober?

Me:  You’re funny!!  Of course not!

Him:  OK.  You’re not driving, are you?

Me:  No…we’re sort of walking.

Him:  OK….I have to run.  You have a good time and I’ll talk to you tomorrow.  Say “hello” to your future husband for me!

My friends can’t understand how he can be so “understanding” about these things, but I tell them that he knows he can’t complain because he goes home to his wife every night.  He can’t tell me who I can or can’t talk to.  But, he’s really not the jealous type.  His attitude is that I could talk to whomever I want, but he trusts me enough to know that even drunk, I’m not about to do something stupid (like marry some guy on a whim and work in a t-shirt shop ).  It’s all about trust.

When the week was over, the three of us got in the car and headed north.  We took our time, stopped at the Fountain of Youth, stopped for a few “sit down” meals, stayed overnight somewhere in North Carolina, then continued on home.

All in all, we had a great time!  In the beginning, I used to miss having my guy with me, but now, I love girls’ vacations!

I talk to my man every day and send him pictures as we’re going along, so he’s kind of there with us.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Can A Wife Stop Her Husband From Cheating?

If he's not happy, he could stray

I have been “accused” of being a home-wrecker and of using my blog to condone cheating. I was recently asked why I never try to “help” wives keep their husbands from cheating. Well, I believe I have given the wives out there some tips in earlier posts, but, I’m going to do it again.

I will never encourage anyone to go out looking for a married man to “tempt” away from his wife. Other women come in all varieties. Some of us are wives, some are divorced wives of cheating husbands, some are single. We all have one thing in common: we never set out to “seduce” a married man. First of all, I couldn’t seduce anyone if I tried. Sexy is definitely a word I would never use to describe me. So…how did I end up as the other woman? The answer is simple: I made him feel important. My man’s wife left him emotionally. After she had her baby, she no longer wanted him. When he and I first started talking after not seeing each other for years, I didn’t know he was married. An affair was not on his mind and it certainly wasn’t on MY mind.

I’m not making excuses. We spent a lot of time talking and I just assumed that he was single because of some of the things we talked about. He never mentioned a wife, or a child in the beginning. Looking back, I should have asked more questions, but hindsight is 20/20. I had my suspicions, but I didn’t want to believe it. After all, this is a good man who would never hurt anyone who loved him and who was good to him. He always went out of his way to help friends, family and me. By the time I found out for sure that he was actually married, I was hooked.

So…what can a couple do to get out of the rut of marriage and family? I think one of the most important things is to make each other feel special. I realize that sometimes, it’s hard. After all, we’re living in a time where it’s necessary for both partners to work outside of the home. Working, cooking, cleaning, taking care of a child or children all take a toll on a marriage. It’s easy for the couple to forget what drew them to each other in the first place. Before they know it, they have grown apart.

From the beginning of a marriage, the couple needs to stay connected. Just because you’re married doesn’t mean that the romance has to stop. At least once a week, have a date night. If you don’t have the time (or a babysitter) to go out, one of you could grab some take-out. The first one home could stop at the florist or grocery store and pick up some flowers (I’m sure someone gave them a vase as a wedding or shower gift!) and set the table (don’t forget the candles). If you have children, put them to bed early and sit down to a nice dinner. Talk to each other. Don’t talk about the kids for this one night. As a couple only talks about the kids, they find that the kids are all they CAN talk about. Talk about your likes and dislikes, talk about a book you read or a movie you saw (or want to see). Talk about a funny incident that happened at work, or something unusual you saw on your commute or when you went out to lunch. Once you start, I’m sure you could find a lot to talk about.

I know what you’re thinking: put the kids to bed EARLY?!?!?!? Yes. It can be done. Even newborns have a schedule. It may be trickier, but each parent knows their child and when they sleep. If a date night is planned every week from the beginning of a marriage and when a new baby is brought home, children will know to stay in their beds (or at least their rooms) when the parents say it’s bedtime. Trust me; I was a divorced mother of 2 boys under the age of 6. When I got home from work, I spent time with my kids, but I was tired!!!! They knew that bedtime was “stay in your room and be quiet so mommy can rest” time!

Every now and then, try something new. Get a sitter for a day and do something the wife wants to do. I’m not saying to torture your poor husband by a day of shopping in a mall, but I’m pretty sure he can live through a chick-flick. He might even enjoy going to a museum or a flea market. Be creative. When it’s the husband’s turn, maybe find a classic car show or a ball game (even I can stand to go to a ball game. It’s more fun at the stadium than watching it on TV). If you can’t get a sitter, take the kids. By going out to new places together, it will give you something to talk about on date night!

Now…for new parents. I know you’re exhausted! My first son was 22 months old when my second one was born. My husband did zero, zip, zilch, NOTHING to help out. Never changed a diaper or gave them a bath or fed them (OK…I breast-fed for the first year, but I always had a supply in the fridge he could have given them). I was a stay at home mom until my divorce when the boys were 2 and 4. Before that, I knew when the kids napped, so I napped. This way, I was “human” enough to cook dinner and spend some time with my husband. Bottom line: babies sleep! Take advantage of it. If both parents work, then maybe the husband could give his wife a couple of hours to herself a day or two a week. Give her time to go out with friends or just take a nap. She’ll be forever grateful! In the same respect, the wife needs to let her husband have a night out with the boys if he wants. Just remember…BOTH OF YOU…that a night out doesn’t mean getting stupid-drunk and flirting with anything that moves. It means going out, have a drink or two and connect with friends.

No matter how tired you are, always take the time to hug. Sometimes, it’s too tiring to even think of sex, but how much effort does  cuddling take?  Sit next to each other on the couch while watching TV. Put your head on your husband’s (or wife’s) lap. Don’t worry about what the kids will think. They’ll grow up knowing what a loving couple should be like. When leaving the house for work, always remember to kiss each other good-bye and when you get home, kiss each other hello.

I know it’s cliche, but don’t go to bed angry. If you’re annoyed with each other, talk it out. We can’t agree with each other all the time, but we can agree to disagree. We are only human and as such, we’re imperfect creatures. When two people live together, they’re bound to piss each other off every now and then!

Surprise each other with little love notes or cards or small, inexpensive gifts. Treat your spouse to a bubble bath and put on something sexy. Above all, always remember to say “I love you” to each other at least once a day. Use your imagination! If you keep your spouse happy at home he (or she because we all know that wives cheat too) will not want to look elsewhere for affection.

Remember why you fell in love to begin with

Being in Public with Your Married Lover

Being Out In Public

I don’t know how many “other women” have as much time out with their men as I do, but I’m sure some do.  My man and I go out a lot.  Some weeks, we go out to dinner at least 4 times.  Besides going out for dinner, we stop at the local DD for coffee just about every day.  The people we see in our every day lives think we’re married.  It’s kind of crazy, but we have this interesting kind of vibe that people find amusing.   There was a guy standing in line in front of us at DD the other day and before he left, he turned to us and said, “I love seeing you guys in here….you always make me smile!  Just looking at you both, and the way you joke around with each other, I could tell that you’ve been married a long time.”  Uh, huh.

We get that a lot from people we see often.  Waiters, waitresses, cashiers….they always ask us how long we’ve been married.  Earlier today, I told my guy that just once, when someone asks if we’re married, I want to say, “I’m not married, but HE is….”.  I wonder what kind of reaction we would get.  Could be interesting!

We definitely don’t try to hide.  Of course, it helps that his wife is at home about an hour away from where I live.  Whether we’re at home (my house) or out somewhere, we are always ourselves.  We’re actually kids in adult bodies.  We play around alot.  He’ll pull my hair like a kindergartener and when he’s not looking, I’ll whip my braid around and smack him with it.  We joke around with each other about really dumb things and we both LOVE to people watch!!!  If I see someone strange, all I have to do is gently nudge him or subtly lean into him, and he knows exactly who I’m looking at.

When he got out of work today, he came to get me and we went to the recycling center.  His town doesn’t have one, so he brings all his stuff to my town once a month or so.  He had two bags full of newspapers, one big, one small.  I figured I’d get them into the bin while he was getting rid of bottles, so, there I was, trying to carry these two bags.  He came up behind me and said, “Let me help you with that…” and grabbed the smaller bag.  I just shook my head, started laughing and called him a “dick”.   Two older men who were walking past us just started cracking up.  One of them said, “That’s the way to do it.” and the other one looked at me and said, “He may be a dick, but I could tell you love him anyway.”  (BTW…he’s not really a dick.)  Anyway…like I said….people find us approachable, I guess.

Over the weekend, we have been invited to go bowling with his aunts and cousins.  It’s a family tradition of 50 years to take one of the cousins bowling for her birthday.  It started when she was 7 and continues now that she’s 57.  He can’t bowl because of an old shoulder injury, but he’ll watch us all and keep score.  We’ll be going to a local bowling alley where he knows most of the people who hang out there.  Obviously, he doesn’t care who sees him with me.

All of this is what he doesn’t have with his wife.  I know this not because it’s what he tells me, but it’s what his family and friends tell me.  I feel bad that his daughter can’t see us together.  What she sees at home are two people who barely talk and who only interact when they have to.  If they all go shopping together, he walks ahead with his daughter.  His wife doesn’t really talk to either of them when they’re out in public.  It’s really sad, when you think about it.  I feel that a child should see his or her parents laughing with each other and playing every now and then.

Even though we go out all the time, we’re not stupid about it.  We aren’t about to go somewhere that his wife’s family or friends would be at.  That would just cause his wife a lot of humiliation and hurt (even though she pretty much threw him away, nobody wants to see someone you are or were dating or married to having fun with someone else).  We’re not cruel.  We will not throw our happiness in his wife’s face. We will continue on as we are right now.  It’s not all fun and games, we have our fights.  In fact, right now, I don’t like him very much, but I like him more than I did earlier in the week.

I guess it all depends on what the man’s (or woman’s) marriage is like.  My man’s wife doesn’t care that he’s not home, which gives us the chance to be together all the time.  Going out with a married lover is possible.  It just needs to be done so no one is being hurt.

Does His Wife Even Care That He’s Gone?

With all the crazy weather and flooding happening around here, I have had a roomie for the past 4 days: my man! He spent the day with me last Saturday, went in for an emergency 24 hour shift at 6:00 that night, came here after his shift, but when he tried to get home, all routes were flooded, so he came back to my place. I was on the phone with him as he was on his way home and at some point, he said he would call me back, so I know that he called home. I thought he was calling to see if his daughter wanted him to pick up some take out for her. He was off the phone with me for about 5 minutes, then called me back. A half hour later, he was coming up my stairs and this is where he’s been staying until about an hour ago.

It’s been nice having him here, but it’s also nice knowing that I have my house to myself again. I’ve lived alone for a lot of years and have gotten used to doing what I want, when I want to do it. If I wake up at 3 AM and can’t sleep, I’ll grab my remote and watch TV for a while, or I’ll read for a bit. When I’m ready to fall back asleep, I turn off the TV (or just fall asleep with it on), or put down my Nook. With my man here, if I can’t sleep and want to watch TV or read, I have to actually get out of bed and go to the livingroom. The guy needs to wake up early every morning, so I don’t want to keep him awake too. I’m glad to be back to my own crazy schedule.

Last night was my volleyball night. I left my guy here at 6:00 PM and he met up with me and my friends for the ritual post-volleyball feeding at 8:30. My friends accept that I’m seeing a married man. When they heard that he’s been staying with me this week, they all had the same question: Where does his wife think he is? My answer: I have no clue. What he tells his wife is his business, but I really don’t think she cares where he is. In 4 days, she hasn’t called him at all. He’s called his daughter and his daughter has texted him, but not a word from his wife. Obviously, she doesn’t care that he’s not home and doesn’t care where he is.

True…there are times when she wants him home. She calls to find out when he’ll be home if she has plans to go out and needs him there to watch their daughter or if there’s a bug in the house that needs to be executed. She’s also been known to call to tell him that he needs to take out the garbage. Other than these few little “reminders”, she couldn’t give a rat’s butt where he is or what he’s doing. I don’t understand it, but, that’s the way it is. I’m torn on how I feel about her lack of concern. On one hand, I feel that it’s a good thing because if she did care about him, I wouldn’t have this great guy. On the other hand, I feel bad that this great guy has to live with someone who doesn’t care about him and only wants him for household chores. (Before there’s even more controversy to this whole situation, let me make something clear….neither one of us considers his watching his daughter as a “chore”. We both feel that his time alone with this daughter is important and he looks forward to those times.)

Now that he’s home, he’ll have a chance to clean up after the storms and spend time with his daughter before school starts up again. I’ll use the time alone to do girlie things with my friends, read, walk, and watch cheesy movies (I think tonight’s feature will be “Killer Klowns from Outer Space”). This may sound boring to most people, but sometimes, boring is good.

Am I Really a “Temptress”?????

I was reading a website the other day and saw a post about “the other woman”. One of the comments was about how mistresses are able to “trap” married men in their webs. Did you know that women like me will use expensive French perfume, wear sexy, silk lingerie, have their nails and hair done every week, go to the spa and have cosmetic surgery just so they can lure married men away from their wives? You didn’t? Neither did I.

I was the other woman 9 years ago. I still am the other woman 9 years later. Let me paint a picture of THIS other woman.

Right now, I’m sitting at my computer wearing a ratty pair of boxers (with Marvin the Martian appliqued on one leg) and a t-shirt that I bought at an Army/Navy store about 35 years ago. My hair is pulled back in a high ponytail. It’s a bit humid, so the actual tail is a curly, frizzy mass trailing halfway down my back. My guy called me at 5:30 this morning and by 6:30, I was out taking my daily power walk. I have not had a chance to shower yet. Pretty, right? No….I don’t think so either.

I haven’t been inside a hair salon in about 5 years. My hair care routine is: shampoo, condition, comb, air dry. I’m getting more and more grey by the minute, but I refuse to dye my hair. Every now and then, however, I need a change, so I’ll find an obnoxious color (right now, I have fuchsia in the front and underneath in the back) that washes out eventually.

As for my nails….I’ve had one manicure in my life and hated it! I’ll never go back. I play volleyball, so my nails break. If they do, no biggie….they’ll grow again. If I have unbroken nails for longer than a week, I may put polish on them, but within a day or two, it’s starting to chip. Again….no biggie. Pedicure?!?!?! Forget it! No way!

I don’t think I’ve ever owned expensive perfume, French or otherwise and as for silk lingerie….if it can’t be washed in my washer, I’m not buying it. I do have some lingerie, but not silk and I don’t lounge around in it just waiting for a married man to happen by so I could trap him.

Cosmetic surgery? Ummm…..I rarely wear makeup, so why would I alter anything surgically?

In other words, my web-weaving skills aren’t up to par, so how did I “trap” my married lover? I have no clue! Oh, wait….could it have been that I took the time to get to know him as a friend before any other kind of relationship started? Maybe he likes the idea of a low maintenance woman. Maybe he likes having someone to talk to. He certainly doesn’t want a “temptress” if he’s with me!

My man knows that he can call me, tell me he’ll be here in 1/2 an hour to take me out and I’ll be ready. Don’t get me wrong…I DO dress up every now and then. I may even put on a bit of makeup once a year or so. But for the most part, I’m wash and wear. Some would say that how I’m sitting here now isn’t how I greet my man when he comes by. Well, they would be wrong. The ratty boxers and old t-shirts are my staples. This is how I dress when we’re just hanging out doing things around the house or watching movies. This is how he met me and in 9 years, he hasn’t tried to change me. I have never heard him ask “Are you really going to wear that?” when we go out. He trusts that when we do go out, I will know what I should wear.

I understand the reasoning behind the comments of the woman on that other site. Maybe she found out that her husband was cheating and she needed a reason that didn’t involve putting the blame on herself. Who knows? Maybe her husband did fall for someone who used “tricks” to get him. I know there are women who claim to only date married men, but unless these men are super-rich, and are financing the expensive “props” and cosmetic surgery, I can’t imagine anyone going through all that trouble on their own to trap an average Joe. Instead of that woman looking for traps and webs of the other woman, she should look within. She needs to talk to her husband. For a lot of men, it’s not all about sex and looks. Does she have a guy who just can’t be monogamous, or is she not giving her husband what he needs? The sooner she finds out what’s wrong in her marriage, the sooner she can either fix it, or move on.

Why Would Anyone Want a Married Man?

I don’t think any woman wakes up one morning and says to herself, “Gee…I think I’m going to go out and find a married man to have an affair with today.” Think about it…who would want a man who cheats?

I realize that my situation is probably different than a lot of other affair situations. I was friends with my man before taking the leap into having an affair. I had known him for about 20 years. True, I had lost track of him for a while and didn’t realize that he was married at the time we got reacquainted, but when we did see each other again, we started a friendship. For about a year, he was very careful not to mention the fact that he had gotten married during the time I hadn’t seen him. If I had known from the beginning, I have no idea what would have happened. I know we would have had a great friendship, since we have a great friendship now. As for becoming romantically involved with him, I honestly don’t know. During the friendship, if he had told me about what was happening in his marriage, the relationship may have progressed to what it is now, or maybe not. All I know is that it happened. Do I regret that he wasn’t honest in the beginning? Of course. I would have liked to have been able to make an informed decision as to where our relationship was going.

In the beginning, I ignored all the signs. I never even thought that he could be married. He worked 3 jobs and I was always doing things with other friends and such. We were both busy people and it just made sense that most of our contact was at my house where he rented a garage. Besides, he spent so much time by my house that I wouldn’t have thought a wife would put up with it. He was here all day on Saturdays and a lot of nights after working one job and before he went to his other job.

During the years, I’ve gone through being so mad at him for lying that I never wanted to see him again, to realizing that I wanted to be with him, to giving him ultimatums, to finally being at peace with the situation. The ups and downs were insane, but I got through them. That poor man has been yelled at by me so much, sometimes it surprises me that he’s still around!

My situation is also different in the amount of the time we spend together. There aren’t that many “other women” who have this much time. I have Saturdays and most weeknights. We don’t hide. We go out all the time, we work together, we go visit friends and family together. I haven’t heard of many men who are having affairs that will bring their mistresses to visit their relatives.

My advice to anyone thinking of dating a married man (or woman) would be: DON’T DO IT! Well, at least not right away. Take the time to know the situation. Does his wife love him? Does she believe he’s happy in the marriage? Does she make time for him? I would also try to find out if he’s ever had another affair. There are some serial cheaters out there. I know for a fact that my man has never before cheated on someone he was with. I know that his wife doesn’t care what he does or where he goes as long as he pays the bills. I also know that he hasn’t cheated on ME. He wouldn’t have the time. We spend so much time together and even when he leaves, he’s on the phone with me. I’m his “commute entertainment”. He calls every morning as he’s driving to work, then texts me during the day on his breaks, calls again when he’s on his way here after work, and calls the minute he leaves me so we can talk until he gets home. Not all affairs are like this. Some women are lucky to get one night a month with their married men.

So, if you’re thinking it would be great to be with a married man, think again. There’s a lot of craziness to go through before you come to the “happy place” I’m at right now. I know we sometimes can’t help who we love, but if the one you love is married, it’s so much harder. If you do decide that the one you love is worth it, then just keep your eyes open. Also, don’t sit around waiting for him. Keep busy. Go out and have fun. His life doesn’t stop when he’s not with you, so why should yours?

Things I Don’t Get……#3

Here it is, Wednesday night and my guy just left. We were having a great night, just hanging out, and around 9:00 he went to call his daughter (as he does every night when he’s not with her). When he came back to me, I could tell that he was upset about something, so, I asked what was wrong. He told me that his daughter asked him if he could take her to a church fair the next night and before he could answer, his wife grabbed the phone from his daughter, said, “Your father doesn’t have time for you.” and hung up on him. This really upset him and it also upset me.

That was just so wrong on so many levels. First of all, I don’t care what the circumstances are, you NEVER talk bad about the other parent! This only makes you look like a fool. This is a woman who had a good man and basically threw him away. He’s doing what he needs to do for his daughter. He’s never denied his daughter anything. If she asks him to take her somewhere, he takes her. He’s never said “no” to spending time with her, so mommy’s comment was totally uncalled for. I suggested that from now on, he should tell his daughter to go to her room and turn on her cellphone at 8:30 whenever he’s not home so he can call her without being interrupted.

I never understood trashing the other parent. What’s the point? Does it make the trasher look good? Nope. I know the situation is far from ideal, but this is what happens when you decide to ignore your husband. How long do you think he’s going to be happy without affection? How long will he be happy without someone to talk to? How long will he stick around without someone to have fun with? So now, why are you bashing a man who is trying to balance his life between making himself happy and making his daughter happy?

My guy goes to every school function, takes his daughter fishing, takes her to county fairs, helps her with homework, goes to her school if there’s a problem that needs to be addressed….he’s there for her when she needs him. She knows that she can call him at any time and no matter where he is, if she needs him, he will go to her. How dare her mother try to tell her that her father doesn’t have time for her?!?!??!

It’s times like this where I wish I could go to her and ask what she’s thinking. I understand that she has a cheating husband and in all probability, she knows this, however, she’s the one who threw him away. What was he supposed to do? Stay faithful to someone who wanted nothing to do with him. After 2 years of being ignored, he turned to a friend (me) and we became lovers. In the beginning, I actually tried to get him to save his marriage. I asked him if he was doing all he could to make things better. I gave him suggestions. It was too late for them. She wanted to be left alone and she got what she wanted. It’s now time to lie in that bed she made for herself.

He’s now happy when he’s with me, and he’s with me a lot. His wife has a house with a REAL yard, she has her bills paid, she gets to go on vacation with him, she has him to do all the yard work, she has him to take out the garbage, she has his health insurance and she will get his pension and SSI if something happens to him. I have none of these things. I have him for a few hours a night, 3 or 4 nights a week, and all day Saturday.

My guy’s wife has the freedom to do whatever she wants. If she wants to go out with friends, he’s there to watch his daughter. If she wants to go shopping, he’ll stay home with his daughter and pay the bill for the shopping when it comes in. What she does with her time is up to her.

Yeah….not an ideal situation. Not ideal for anyone involved. But, as I’ve said, he really does try. He’s a good father and he’s always thinking of his daughter even if he’s working and can’t be with her. I’ve also trained him pretty well in the not speaking bad about his wife when his daughter is around thing. He knows my feelings about that. Right now, I don’t get why she can’t give him the same consideration.

So, all you wives out there (and husbands, too)…..no matter what, never, never, NEVER talk trash about the other to your children. Why would you want to try to make your child feel that one of his or her parents is a deadbeat, especially if that parent’s actions say otherwise? Why do you want to confuse your kids like that? Your kids aren’t stupid. If your spouse (or ex-spouse) is as bad as you think, the kids will see it for themselves.

I know it’s hard, but sometimes, as parents, we need to put our feelings aside and do what’s best for our kids.