Things I Don’t Get #2

Do you want your husband? Do you love him? If the answer to these questions is “No”, then why do you force him to stay? How can that be enjoyable for you?

Being the other woman isn’t an ideal situation. My man doesn’t talk much about his marriage, which I think is a good thing. I take that as a sign that he doesn’t want to be the stereotypical cheating husband who is constantly badmouthing his wife. Every now and then, however, he snaps.

Every now and then, his wife will tell him she wants a divorce, but when he mentions visitation with his daughter, his wife tells him that won’t happen. Why? This is a woman who blames everything on his not being around, so why would she make it difficult for father and daughter to see each other in the event of a divorce?

I am the perfect ex-wife. I didn’t ask for anything except for child support (which was $25 per week per child) and temporary alimony ($50 per week for 6 months, which I told him to stop paying as soon as I found a job). In my divorce papers, it states that my ex will have visitation on Sundays from 9 AM to 7 PM. It also states that he can see his kids whenever he wants, as long as he calls first. It goes on to state that he could take them any weekend he wants and can be with the boys for 2 weeks to take them on vacation. Bottom line here: I know that it’s important for kids to bond with their father, so I didn’t stop him from seeing them….EVER.

I also made a promise to myself that I would never say anything bad about their father if my sons were anywhere near me. I always thought that if he was as bad as I thought, they would see it eventually without me pointing it out. In other words, I was a grownup (go figure).

In light of this, I don’t understand why a woman would purposely and maliciously keep her child from being with his or her father if said father is loving, attentive and interested in being with the child. I don’t understand women who find the need to badmouth their exes to the kids. What does this accomplish? From what I see, the only thing it accomplishes is making the mother look like a fool when she’s proven wrong.

In my case, my man’s wife has to know he’s seeing someone. He’s hardly ever home. He goes home to be with his daughter and to sleep. I really don’t think she cares, as long as she has a house, a yard, paid bills and time for herself, yet she will use her daughter as a pawn in a sadistic game designed to punish her husband. Again….why? Let him go. Why do you make things so difficult for him? Do you hate to see him happy? Don’t you want to get on with YOUR life, whether it’s alone or with someone else?

I really don’t get it. You had a good man. You ignored him. When you weren’t ignoring him, you were treating him badly. He was miserable. All you had to do was show him that you wanted him. You didn’t do that, so he turned to me. I’m not asking that he leave you. I understand his commitment to his daughter, which also means his commitment to you. He doesn’t want to leave you stranded. I know it must be difficult for you to accept that someone else is making him happy, but what have YOU done to make him happy? If you had made an effort, he wouldn’t be with me.

I guess what this all comes down to is this: if you don’t want your husband, let him go. That doesn’t mean you have to divorce him. Sometimes, divorce isn’t possible for financial reasons. Just let him live his life. If he’s a good guy, he won’t stop supporting you. All he wants is a chance to be happy and to be able to do things with his child. Don’t keep them apart.

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2 thoughts on “Things I Don’t Get #2

  1. Hi I am so glad that you are approaching this subject. I was feeling lost and still do periodically and then I come here and there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I have been with my man for 4 months. We were together at 15 and 16 years old (36 years ago) and now have re-found each other. It started out as friends online when I was still with my kids father and then things escalated and I moved out with my daughter and he is still with his wife and has adult children at home. I cannot believe the amount of love that is our relationship. I have never felt like this before. He can only get away to meet me once every week or two. We live an hour away from each other with a coastal mountain range in between so it is harder. But I want more of course. He says his wife is mentally ill and he says his kids would understand if he left her but he feels responsible for getting her pregnant 27 years ago. They had sex once and she called him up and said she was pregnant and he married her. He loves kids so they had 2 more and now the years are gone by. I have checked with friends throughout the years to find out how he was or where but never contacted him until we found each other online. My life is glorious now as he gave me the confidence to get out of a bad marriage that I thought I was going to be in for the rest of my life. I live in a beach house with my 22 year old daughter. I will never regret doing this with my guy. He is my soul mate. We say the same thing at the same time, our lives have run parrelel paths, we are so sexually compatible and love all the same things in bed and elsewhere. I am hoping he will leave his wife but continue to take care of her and be with me. I worry that after 27 years of an unhappy marriage he will want to prowl around for a bit before he wants to settle down. But I don’t so may be he won’t. Any thoughts?

    • I’m kind of in the same boat. My man’s wife also has health issues, however, from what I’ve seen, I believe a lot of it is “convenient”. Like, she’s in too much pain (kidneys) to do things around the house, yet she can drive for hours when it’s time to go on vacation. Whatever. Issues are issues and it’s not up to me to tell him to leave her. Let her have the medical insurance.

      Anyway….I’m glad you got out of a bad marriage. No one should be stuck if they don’t have to be. I’m also glad that you re-found your soul mate!

      As for my thoughts on his “prowling”….If he hasn’t “prowled” in the 27 years of an unhappy marriage, I don’t think he’d want to screw up a good thing! Good luck to you!

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