Here it is, Wednesday night and my guy just left. We were having a great night, just hanging out, and around 9:00 he went to call his daughter (as he does every night when he’s not with her). When he came back to me, I could tell that he was upset about something, so, I asked what was wrong. He told me that his daughter asked him if he could take her to a church fair the next night and before he could answer, his wife grabbed the phone from his daughter, said, “Your father doesn’t have time for you.” and hung up on him. This really upset him and it also upset me.
That was just so wrong on so many levels. First of all, I don’t care what the circumstances are, you NEVER talk bad about the other parent! This only makes you look like a fool. This is a woman who had a good man and basically threw him away. He’s doing what he needs to do for his daughter. He’s never denied his daughter anything. If she asks him to take her somewhere, he takes her. He’s never said “no” to spending time with her, so mommy’s comment was totally uncalled for. I suggested that from now on, he should tell his daughter to go to her room and turn on her cellphone at 8:30 whenever he’s not home so he can call her without being interrupted.
I never understood trashing the other parent. What’s the point? Does it make the trasher look good? Nope. I know the situation is far from ideal, but this is what happens when you decide to ignore your husband. How long do you think he’s going to be happy without affection? How long will he be happy without someone to talk to? How long will he stick around without someone to have fun with? So now, why are you bashing a man who is trying to balance his life between making himself happy and making his daughter happy?
My guy goes to every school function, takes his daughter fishing, takes her to county fairs, helps her with homework, goes to her school if there’s a problem that needs to be addressed….he’s there for her when she needs him. She knows that she can call him at any time and no matter where he is, if she needs him, he will go to her. How dare her mother try to tell her that her father doesn’t have time for her?!?!??!
It’s times like this where I wish I could go to her and ask what she’s thinking. I understand that she has a cheating husband and in all probability, she knows this, however, she’s the one who threw him away. What was he supposed to do? Stay faithful to someone who wanted nothing to do with him. After 2 years of being ignored, he turned to a friend (me) and we became lovers. In the beginning, I actually tried to get him to save his marriage. I asked him if he was doing all he could to make things better. I gave him suggestions. It was too late for them. She wanted to be left alone and she got what she wanted. It’s now time to lie in that bed she made for herself.
He’s now happy when he’s with me, and he’s with me a lot. His wife has a house with a REAL yard, she has her bills paid, she gets to go on vacation with him, she has him to do all the yard work, she has him to take out the garbage, she has his health insurance and she will get his pension and SSI if something happens to him. I have none of these things. I have him for a few hours a night, 3 or 4 nights a week, and all day Saturday.
My guy’s wife has the freedom to do whatever she wants. If she wants to go out with friends, he’s there to watch his daughter. If she wants to go shopping, he’ll stay home with his daughter and pay the bill for the shopping when it comes in. What she does with her time is up to her.
Yeah….not an ideal situation. Not ideal for anyone involved. But, as I’ve said, he really does try. He’s a good father and he’s always thinking of his daughter even if he’s working and can’t be with her. I’ve also trained him pretty well in the not speaking bad about his wife when his daughter is around thing. He knows my feelings about that. Right now, I don’t get why she can’t give him the same consideration.
So, all you wives out there (and husbands, too)…..no matter what, never, never, NEVER talk trash about the other to your children. Why would you want to try to make your child feel that one of his or her parents is a deadbeat, especially if that parent’s actions say otherwise? Why do you want to confuse your kids like that? Your kids aren’t stupid. If your spouse (or ex-spouse) is as bad as you think, the kids will see it for themselves.
I know it’s hard, but sometimes, as parents, we need to put our feelings aside and do what’s best for our kids.