How could she NOT know?

Here’s the thing: I don’t understand how his wife doesn’t know he’s seeing someone. Every Saturday, he leaves the house by 10 AM to be with me. We go to breakfast, do housework and repairs, we do yard work and just hang out together until at least midnight. Weekdays, he gets out of work at 3:30, yet doesn’t get home until 10 or 11 PM.

She has a house, she doesn’t have to share a bed with anyone, she doesn’t have to go grocery shopping, she doesn’t have to cook, she doesn’t have to do his laundry, she has him to pay the mortgage and other bills and she gets a vacation once a year. Who would complain? Bottom line is that she just doesn’t want him, yet she doesn’t want to give him up because then she feels her free ride would be over. What she doesn’t realize is that he will continue to pay for the house and the bills because he wants his daughter to grow up in a house with a yard. He’s not a deadbeat and he loves his daughter. He’s not going to leave her out in the cold.

I’m more of a “wife” to him than she is. I listen to him complain. We cook together. We clean together. We visit his relatives. We fight. We make up. He doesn’t have any of these things at home. At home, he has his daughter and he spends as much time with her as he can. He’s there for all of her school functions and for all the “extras”. When he’s with me, he calls his daughter at her bedtime to talk to her about her day and to say good night.

So, again, how can this wife NOT know? The answer is, she DOES know, she just doesn’t care.

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6 thoughts on “How could she NOT know?

  1. I just want to say thank you for writing all of this. A lot of people don’t understand or just don’t get why anyone would want to be ‘the other woman’, but it’s not just a simple choice.

    I separated from my fiance a year and a half ago after and 8 year relationship. He was a very manipulative, controlling man and I barely had a life. I was friends firstly with my married man (well, he’s not officially married although he’s been with his partner for 14 years and has a child, so he effectively is) and I never saw the love part creep up on me, until one day it hit both of us that we cared about one another very deeply – we loved one another. We started our ‘affair’ and he did feel that he wanted to leave and spend his life with me. After a few months I told him that he hadn’t made the move and I was walking away from ‘us’. It was very upsetting for us both, but I felt I had to do it. We worked in the same company too so seeing him at work every day but not speaking was horrendous, and really tough to cope with.

    A few weeks passed by and we made contact and said ‘lets just be friends’. It was far happier having him in my life, even as a friend, than losing him altogether. We went out a few evenings (as we have a lot of shared interests) and the caring and deep sense of attraction is still very much there. We’ve had a couple of ‘dates’ and our relationship has become physical again.

    In a way I wish I could walk away as I don’t think he will leave his partner, but right now there is no one else around that I’m interested in, and I like spending time with him. We have a lot in common, we go out, we talk for hours, we laugh, it’s great. I don’t drop all my plans for him and I have a very busy social life and a lot of interests. I am very open to the idea of meeting someone else, and I think in truth when the time comes it’ll be incredibly hard for my married man to accept that, because he and I would be over, in a romantic sense. I’ve always been used to the idea that he’s with someone, whilst in his eyes I’ve been his.

    So, it suits me. I’ve accepted the situation. He’s my best friend, and for now my lover and hopefully we always will have our friendship even after I’ve moved on and found someone for myself.

    It’s not all black and white! Thank you x

    • Thank you for reading. I started this blog because I knew that there must be other women out there in the same situation. This is like therapy for me and if I can help someone else, all the better. Unless you are in the situation, it’s difficult to understand and you’re right…it’s not all black and white…..there are many shades of grey!

  2. ive been reading your blog most of the evening and i am totally amazed at how much you and your man sound like me and my man!!! we do everything together, cook, clean, fight, make up! like you said i’m more of a wife than his wife!! I have always said to him How does she NOT know. as i’m tying this he is on yahoo chatting with me!! we text and chat online all the time and we see each other every day!! thank you for having this blog!!

    • Nope!!! You’re not crazy. Sometimes things happen in our lives that we never expected. I’m sure none of us expected that “Mr. Right” would be married to someone else.

      When kids are involved, it makes it so much more difficult. There are things our men need to do (like go to school plays, etc.) with their wives because of the kids. We need to accept it. That’s how it has to be. My guy left a little while ago and we chatted through his trip home. I won’t see him tomorrow because that’s the day his daughter is free all day, so he spends time with her. I’ll catch up on some reading and maybe take a nap! I really do love “me time”!

  3. I’m sort of in the same situation! I been dating this man for about a year. I met him at the gym & the first thing he told me was that he has a girlfriend but she will be moving to Florida within 2 weeks. I thought he was going to leave her eventually. A year has gone by, & he hasn’t left her. She has come to visit him
    About 3 times & he has only gone over there once. Me and him do just about everything together! We text all day, we workout together, i sleepover his apartment, I cook for him etc etc. he calls me his girlfriend when we go out.. But I just don’t see us going anywhere. Every time I bring it up, he tells me he loves me but that he loves her too. I even came to think that maybe he just was in it for the sex, but when I said that he didn’t want to touch me so wouldn’t think he was in it for the sex. I don’t know what to do anymore! I love him & for what he says I think he loves me too

    • I can only give my opinion on this one. He had a girlfriend who left him to move to another state, and in a year, they have only seen each other 3 times. Back at home, he has a girlfriend (you) who he does everything with. What this sounds like to me is that you are NOT the other woman at this point…..SHE is. He’s either in denial that his last girlfriend left him and just wants sex every now and then, or he just enjoys having a girlfriend at home who lets him cheat on her with someone he has been with previously.

      I’m not saying that he’s just in it for the sex, but I do think he likes things the way they are. Think about it: you two go out, you cook for him….you have a life together, yet every now and then, he sleeps with someone else. Have you talked to him about why he feels the need to hold on to a person who obviously had no problem moving away from him? Does Ms. Florida know about you? Do they have kids that are tying them together? What are the ages of everyone here?

      Only you can decide if you want to continue with things the way they are. If you’re happy with him and don’t mind his trips to Florida, then follow your heart. I just think that you and your man need to have a serious “sit down and talk” night. What you need to realize is that once you have this talk, things may not go your way. Before you do anything, you need to think about what it is that you want to come from it and will you be prepared if that doesn’t happen. Always think before acting. Acting before thinking leads to more hurt, and it’s usually US who get hurt. I wish you the best.

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