The Other Woman’s Vacation with the Girls!

I just got back from vacation.  It was spectacular!!!

Thanksgiving night, I picked up my friend, Janet, and we started the long drive down I-95.  I love the drive, but this is the first time I was doing it mostly at night, so having Janet along was great.   I was, however, happy to see the sunrise when we were somewhere in Georgia!

OK…so….I do this once or twice a year.  Sometimes I go alone, sometimes with friends.  Sometimes, we just hang out at the pool, but this trip, we decided to have some adventure.  Janet and I originally planned on leaving the Friday after Thanksgiving, so our friend, Lana, was going to fly in on Saturday so we could pick her up at the airport.  Leaving early gave us some time to rest after the long drive.

The one thing we HAD to do this trip was go to Key West.  Janet and Lana had never been there and every time I had been there, I could never see the sunset in Mallory Square (it was usually cloudy), so Monday morning, we were off again.  It was a gorgeous day!!!   It’s always nice when you’re driving through the keys down Route 1 and the weather cooperates.

We had plenty of time, so we stopped by the Coral Castle…one of my favorites!  If you’ve never been there, it’s in Homestead, FL.  The history of the place is amazing!  It was built by one small man, but no one seems to know how he did it.  He had no help, yet set these huge coral blocks in place.  He built his “castle” for his true love, who never got to see it.  Originally, it was built in Miami, but was later moved (by the builder, alone) to Homestead.  It’s not a big place and is easily missed even though it’s right on Route 1,  but it’s interesting to see.  There’s a built in tour that tells the history of the place; all you have to do is press a button on the strategically  placed kiosks, so you’re not confined to any schedule.

As I said, the weather was beautiful!  The view from every bridge was perfect, especially for two people who had never seen it.  We got to Key West, found a motel, then set off for shopping, dinner and sunset!   We found a table right on the edge of the patio, ordered our munchies and drinks, then waited for the “show”.  I was a bit worried because about 100 feet from us was a docked cruise ship waiting to sail (that would not have made for good sunset viewing).  The ship waited, the view was unobstructed by clouds and our life was good!  The next adventure was for Lana:  SHOPPING!  Some of the shops and kiosks in the square are incredible.  Since it’s a pretty artsy place, just about everything is hand-made and unique.

We fit as much into those 2 days as we could.  We stopped at every shop and bar on Duvall Street, I introduced them to Kermit’s Key Lime Pie on a stick and we visited Hemingway House.  I never actually took the whole tour before.  Cats, cats and more cats!!!!  All six-toed.  They have the run of the place.  As we were getting our tickets, the lady asked if the 4 of us were together.  Hmmmm….I THOUGHT there were only 3 of us….but there was some random guy standing right behind me.  I just told the lady that there were 3 of us, but if my “friend” wanted to pay, he was welcome to do that.  We had a little banter going back and forth until his wife stepped up and gave me the evil eye!!!  LOL!  OMGs!  Trust me when I say, this man was SO not my idea of desirable.  We were in Key West, so the male tourist thing is Bermuda shorts and sandals (with socks!!!!!) and a gaudy print shirt <shudder>.  Well…this guy was following us the entire tour and his wife was right behind him.  When we went to the balcony, I stayed away from the edge thinking there would be an “accident”.

Everywhere I go, I seem to make friends.  This amuses Janet and Lana to no end and they love telling Paul all about my “flirting”.  This is   made easier for them to do since my car has a Bluetooth connection and he usually called as we were on our way somewhere (he has impeccable timing!).  They told him about the guy at Hemingway House, the guy at the gas station store that helped me find tea, the guy in the t-shirt shop….everyone I said “Hi” to, according to them, I was flirting with.  Of course, to hear them tell it, my eyelashes were batting so hard they felt the breeze!  My guy is used to this.  Everywhere we go, I do the same thing.  He finds it amusing too.

Last year when I was in Key West with my friend, Natalie, we stopped at a bar that gave us coupons for two-for-one margaritas.  Needless to say, I was snockered!  I was taking pictures of the strange guys that tried to pick us up and other sites along the way.  We were in a t-shirt shop and the owner happened to be from NJ and told me how he loves it there and that I should move down there and we could live happily ever after.  So, my guy picks this time to call.  The conversation went like this:

Me:  Hi, honey!!!  I’m in a t-shirt shop talking to my future husband 

Him:  Uh, huh…..

Me:  Yep!  We just had a zillion margaritas and my future husband is helping me find some gifts.

Him:  Uh, huh…..

Me:  So….honey….I’m going to move to Key West and work in a t-shirt shop, OK???

Him:  Uh, huh…..So, is Natalie sober?

Me:  You’re funny!!  Of course not!

Him:  OK.  You’re not driving, are you?

Me:  No…we’re sort of walking.

Him:  OK….I have to run.  You have a good time and I’ll talk to you tomorrow.  Say “hello” to your future husband for me!

My friends can’t understand how he can be so “understanding” about these things, but I tell them that he knows he can’t complain because he goes home to his wife every night.  He can’t tell me who I can or can’t talk to.  But, he’s really not the jealous type.  His attitude is that I could talk to whomever I want, but he trusts me enough to know that even drunk, I’m not about to do something stupid (like marry some guy on a whim and work in a t-shirt shop ).  It’s all about trust.

When the week was over, the three of us got in the car and headed north.  We took our time, stopped at the Fountain of Youth, stopped for a few “sit down” meals, stayed overnight somewhere in North Carolina, then continued on home.

All in all, we had a great time!  In the beginning, I used to miss having my guy with me, but now, I love girls’ vacations!

I talk to my man every day and send him pictures as we’re going along, so he’s kind of there with us.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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5 thoughts on “The Other Woman’s Vacation with the Girls!

  1. I’ve been addicted to reading your blog. As a newly re-married woman who has never been cheated on, it’s still nevertheless fascinating to me, the dynamics with the three of you. I have to ask two questions though. With my last marriage and the two children that came about from that, there was no such option as my keeping the kids from their dad. I went over this extensively with my divorce lawyer as my ex-husband was an alcoholic. Only in cases of abuse will a father not be granted visitation. Adultery does not affect rights of a father. So, I’m interested if that is the real reason he has not yet left his wife. As you pointed out before, with him spending the majority of his spare time with you, his daughter would certainly see him more if he was divorced, only it would be with you as well.

    Also an aside, I have heard before from my current husband’s ex-girlfriend that she was very upset I would not “allow” her to continue her friendship with my now current husband, which was silly since I never had this conversation with him, and he made his own choice. I just wanted to bring that up because I’ve read a few times where you allude to the wife not “allowing” him to do something. Surely as an adult, he can do whatever he pleases, especially because it sounds like he is past the phase of trying to keep his wife happy and vice versa.

    In any case, I hope you will not take any of my comments as judgmental. I am just curious to the dynamics. I have to say your blog is very insightful and certainly does not portray anything stereotypical of a “mistress.” You sound like a kindhearted, understanding, loving mother and loving partner.

    • Hi, Jamie!

      The questions you ask are valid and very easy to answer if you’re dealing with a rational person. True, no court will deny a good father visitation with his child or children, however, visitation orders are ignored in some cases. Working for attorneys, I have seen custodial parents deny visitation, making up excuse after excuse. In one case, the father would drive an hour to pick up his daughters and when he got there, his ex-wife would tell him that they weren’t home (the youngest was 2…I didn’t see what social life she had), they were sick, they didn’t “feel like going out”…you get the picture. The poor man was back and forth to court over this and each time, the Judge ruled in his favor. Each time, the ex would make excuses. Sometimes, she just didn’t answer her door. Just as a Judge won’t deny a parent visitation, that Judge will also not want to put the custodial parent in jail for ignoring a court order. After all, how will that affect the kids? Don’t forget that each time the case is brought back to court, there are more attorney fees and more court costs.

      Now for the “allowing” part. From the time the child was born, my man’s wife was over-protective. She wouldn’t trust him to bring his daughter anywhere alone, claiming he was a “bad driver”. This is a man who has never gotten a ticket. One day, he was going to take his daughter out to lunch (she was 8 at the time). His wife argued with him about it and when he insisted, she told him if he took the girl, she would call the police. I know, I know….can you imagine that phone call?????

      Wife: Hello, police…my husband took our daughter.
      Police: Is there a custody and visitation order on file?
      Wife: Oh, no…we’re still married.
      Police: Is your husband drunk?
      Wife: No.
      Police: Did he take her out of state?
      Wife: No. He took her to Burger King
      Police: Ma’am…what’s the problem? Does he have a weapon?
      Wife: No.
      Police: Did he force her to go with him? I’m still not understanding the problem here….
      Wife: No. She wanted to go, but I told him not to take her and he took her anyway.
      Police: Ma’am…we don’t have time for nonsense.

      The problem with all this is that my guy doesn’t want to fight with his wife in front of the child. This isn’t a bad thing, but by doing this and letting her have her way because “it’s easier that way”, over the years, he has created a monster. Now, there’s no taming that monster. I think this is where we have most of our disagreements. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve told him to grow a set and straighten them both out. He’s a good father and is there when his daughter wants or needs him.

      Another reason he’s reluctant to leave is because his wife talks bad about him to their daughter. She tells the child that daddy doesn’t have time for her. Imagine if he was out of the house? Already, she is using this to manipulate her father. He’s been working 12 hour shifts 6 days a week. She wanted to go to the mall just before Christmas to be with her friends and her mother wouldn’t take her, so she asked daddy. He just got home after a rough day and told her he was exhausted, then tried asking his wife to take her. She refused. His daughter then told him that he never has time for her…he ended up taking her to the mall. This woman has poisoned their daughter against his entire family. On Christmas, he wanted to bring the child to his aunt’s house. She refused to go because she didn’t want to be with “those people”.

      I was the perfect ex-wife! My ex never had to worry that he couldn’t see his kids…he just didn’t want to. People couldn’t understand how I could let them go to camp for two weeks in the summer. “Don’t you miss them???” they’d ask. Nope! I love them to death, but all year, I took care of them alone. In the summer, I had two weeks of not having to take care of anyone but me. By the time I started to realize the house was quiet, it was time to pick them up! This is why I can’t understand ANY mother not welcoming a chance to be alone for a little while, even if it’s just to have someone take the child to lunch.

      I hope I’ve answered your questions! If you have any more, feel free to comment again! BTW…it’s always nice to get a comment from someone who is NOT the OW and have it be non-judgmental! Thanks!

  2. This is exactly why I don’t mind being the OW! The ability to have your own life, and your own fun, yet share it with your MM in a way that is honest with him, and true to who you are, is exactly why I am happy with my relationship with a loving, caring, honest, trusting MM who will probably always be married. So glad I found this site!

  3. Hey OW,

    I just stumbled upon this blog and I am fascinated. First off let me say I have never been the OW nor am I even married.

    I have read your story and I don’t want to judge but to be honest it sounds so unhealthy :( . Please understand this is no attack. It just makes me feel so sad. You sound like such a sweet person. Don’t you think you deserve somebody who is mature enough to give you what you need? Can’t you imagine somebody who fully loves you. Somebody who treats you right?

    As for his daughter… the way things are going now he is messing her up. A friend of mine grew up in a home where longterm affairs were the norm. She now has serious committment and trust issues. And therapy is not a magic solution to everything, with some it doesn’t even work. A clean cut would leave her sense of trust unbroken in that I think she will manage to understand that things fall apart.

    Just makes me sad reading this. But wish you the best of luck anyways!

    Lisa

    • Hi, Lisa!

      I was a wife and don’t need to do that again. What I get from my MM is far more than my husband ever gave. Even though I never thought I would be in this position and never looked to be in this position, I find that it’s really a perfect fit for both of us. We compliment each other and others who see us and know us notice that.

      My guy treats me better than anyone else I have ever known. He’s sweet and funny and we always have a great time together. Sure, there are ups and downs, but don’t ALL couples have that? We work through out disagreements by talking things out.

      I do agree that this is a very unhealthy situation for his daughter. I have voiced my concerns, but, at the end of the day, I really have no say in how the child is raised. He and his wife have to do what they feel is right no matter how wrong I think that is. She doesn’t see any affection between her parents and sees that daddy sleeps in a separate room from mommy. She is growing up to think this is normal. As of right now, she isn’t allowed to go on any sleepovers (even though she is WAY old enough) because her mother is over-protective and doesn’t want the child away from home for even just one night. I wonder what will happen when she finally is allowed to spend a night with a friend and sees that the friend’s parents actually share a room or maybe even show affection. I also worry about how she is going to feel when she finds out that what she thought was a “happy family” turns out to be a lie. But, as I’ve said, I can’t have any say in what the child is told or how she is raised. I can only hope that when the time comes, she can understand that no matter what, she is loved and as (IMO) misguided as things were, they were done with her in mind.

      Thanks for your comments.

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